Please Let Me Finish my Dissertation Today 🙏💗

 

I need supportive peers around this time

I am lucky to have my friends around me so I feel so grateful of this

Let's finish it quickly

Hopefully all of us got the best result~

I Need to Finish My Dissertation First Draft

Hello~
Here I am in a city that 11,718.40 km away from my hometown trying to fulfill my responsibility as a student~

Nowadays I have been thinking about my next goal. Whether I need to move out and back to Indonesia or spend another year to get internship? I still contemplating on how I will direct my near future. 

Finding some internship is not an easy task as I am still looking for a suitable position. I need to looking for them from now in order to survive but I am hesitant at the same time. I am still a little bit worry about the minimum wage, whether it is enough to fulfill monthly rent and my overall needs. A year study is too short! I wish I can get my second master later or I have a little bit interest going on with PhD even though it means I have to contemplate on my next goal. 

Continuing my career in Indonesia is still questionable issue as well. I have the list and all the plan ready. I am afraid I broke out the trust while concentrating in my study. Before, I promise them to join the projects while I am here and I have difficulties finishing them all. Turns out, I still have those issue, abandoning projects but afraid to tell the truth about my condition. As a consequence, I am ghosting my colleagues while have my own everyday struggles. I think I need to change my attitudes, otherwise I can't get mature in this professional career. 

I also have been thinking about finding some new friends that will develop as my romance interest later. I think its because I am in that age when I feel the urge to start building my own family. I countlessly writes about my intention to get married but I need to sorting out my thoughts and asking for my parent's blessing. Day by day, I am starting to imagining people stay by my side, while helping me to continue with my study. I think I am starting to get crazy, thinking that I am really really bad at relationship and never feel good enough for anyone. These are the issues that lingering in my head and become an annoying distraction while I am doing my writing. Moving out to study is one thing that difficult to do, let alone the thought of marriage.

Still, I want to find him through my journey. 

May Allah granted this wish before I have my graduation ceremony (who knows!)

Well, everytime I get bad with time management, I don't know but I always coming back to this blog to write everything that become my distraction.

My second grade came out and it's A again

 

My second grade came out and it's A again!

Later I will share how I am planning out my writing paper and how I get to find my materials through literature~

I just want to say that I am so grateful!

My First Grade for Essay - Term 1

Hellooo~
I just want to send off my gratitude to Allah because I got A for my first 2000 words essay!
I was too afraid to see the result because I feel inferior and don't even know how to get rid of my anxiety. 

Let's be more confident next time and believe in my own self~

will update more of my learnings and my life here~

Term 1 Ended~ and Happy New Year 2024

 Hello~~

Nearing the end of my winter break, I want to share my learning through the time I pursue my master degree here in London. I am enjoying it so far but honestly most of the time I am struggling with my assignments. I need to focus on my study otherwise I cannot get a satisfying mark. 

A lot of new things happen, surely I need to adjust faster. As my stay here only a year, I think I am a bit laid back compared to other friends here. Most of them exploring new cities and countries menawhile I am holding back traveling, for the sake of essay lol. Now in the last weekend of my winter break, I am a bit regret it. I need to be braver to explore, even though it means I am going for solo traveling.

Back to my study, I am wondering if I entered wrong program as I have so many expectation that a little bit different from the actual learning. In our class, we discussed about a lot of things but I guess I still put my focus on art and design things and still hold onto it. That is why, when my program discussing about (for example) policy, that is something I am not familiar with. 

I also regret that before I enter my master program, I did not focus enough to learn about academic english. Reading is the integral part of our study and almost all of modules marked by essays. Its been a while since I focusing on academic papers and readings, let alone writing essays. It is true that I wrote essays before to apply my master degree and scholarship, but its entirely different from master degree assignments. I thought that I learn enough about IELTS and academic english, because I joined free online course for 3 months in the beginning of the year. I guess, I have to work really really really hard to improve my writings. I promise that I will write more this year. I love writing journal and diary, I guess I need to do it in between my academic essays.

In the process and class activities, I really proud of my self that I can handle group work in a great way, based on my opinion. Whenever I have group work, we always receives praises, saying that our group always have a great structure of argumentation and evidence. I love working as a group for practice module, the lecturers really great as well to bring certain atmosphere to the class. I also grateful that my optional module was really interesting as we received different topics each week, the lecturers are greatest expertise in their own field. 

One thing that I can say about learning my master degree abroad: NO REGRET AT ALL, especially I was aiming to do it in the best university in built environment: Bartlett School of Architecture UCL. Every corner and facilities is top notch, the location great. Everyday I grateful of my privilege to be here, experiences that I get to have once in my lifetime. London is great also, I love being in the big city and enjoying my study so much. 

Day by day, I feel like that my study here will more relate to my practices back in my country. I just a little bit anxious of how I will handle all of that expectation. I left it to my self, trying to not bother by anyone's comments. 

Anything to aim in the future, I just want to peacefully study here, and finish it with the works that I am proud of. 

Next time I will tell you my favourite places here in London~ 

See ya

My Start as a Master Student!

Hello~

It's been months since I write in this blog. I want to tell that I got accepted at government scholarship to study at University College London as my dream campus!

I wrote about so many failures in the past getting this scholarship. I cannot wait to challenge my self studying abroad and maybe encounter another failures but its okay since I will not stop myself to learn and try endlessly.

The announcement was in 8 June 2023, but I fell asleep that day because the notification was late at night. On the next day, 9 June on 6.30 am, I get the notification about I had passed the passing grade thus make me a scholarship awardee. 

Instead of happy feelings, honestly I was very anxious because I have so many things going on that time. The projects, new program, collaboration seems just coming in and about to start. How can I do my master this year? It will start in 3 months and even I had no idea how to process all of this euphoria. 

Excited, of course. But then reality hit me hard when all of this process need a certain amount of money in order to settle my visa and insurance. My family is really helpful in order to support my needs. It's been a while since I have my stable job and the amount needed is no joke. I get remboursment already but the awarding institution will not start my funding until I apply for visa. 

After all of the administration process coming to end, another hardship going in. I need to stay somewhere in that country, yet the housing is really hard to get. The accommodation rent price is increasing these days. It's been a wild experience to call housing agents and do the viewings. Luckily, a moslem landlord sending me message after a while ago I sent him message and did not get any respond until that day. 

The flat is in a new condition, all of the facilities is in the best condition, and I get the room that I dreamt of. Love every corner of it, even the landlord will supply us with tissues and cleaning products for a year. What a great deal I got. Even though it's a bit pricey more than my expectation, and far from campus (30 mins by tube) I think it's bearable. 

Today I am writing this short story of my experiences in a local library near my flat in Whitechapel. What a great experiences in the beginning of my stay here. I have been trying hard familiarized myself with the streets, transportation, payment method, etc. 

What else... I think that's all for my first week here. Starting next week there will be introductory seminars, meeting with friends, get my student card, etc.

My study will start at 25th September, please be a good day, please :)

It's Been a Year!

 Hello!

It's been a year since I write something on this page..
I want to reflect on myself about my journey to get master degree and scholarship which I have been facing failures numerous time right now.
Not something to be proud of but I am asking myself everyday why I still persistent in this way.

There are days I am crying, questioning how I am still stuborn looking for higher education that seems impossible fot me at this moment.

I am writing in my hidden diary about my efforts, but I also believe that effort is not enough, we need the power of Doa. Right now I am finishing my scholarship interview, I just need to wait for announcement.. 

What am I doing for a year?

1. Taking Bridging Course for Master Degree Abroad from IIEF and LPDP

I have been wanting to find a suitable environment for me to keep on track about my higher degree journey.. That is why I am taking this course. After taking IELTS course and test, I also get my essays to be reviewed. It's been a great journey for me as this class help me to familiarized myself with academic english, which I need the most.

2. Taking my Korean course

Yes I am still taking my korean course so I have reached Sejong level 4. I need to find a challenge for my brain to be actively learning new languages. It's fun and I find Korean language everywhere so it helps me a lot.

3. Seri Seni 

For me its like an exercise routine and I feel energized by meeting people in the community. The only question is.. how can I help to enhance student's experiences? I feel like there are blocking walls from my personality that afraid to take risks. I need to be braver.

4. Tujuh Belasan Kaliapuran

Its been a great performances last year! I am proud of them as almost 30 children want to perform traditional dances in their own kampung. It's been a great collaboration and hardworks from all of people living there... I want to meet them again!

5. Tahsin

I have new ustadzah this year and she is way older than my previous ustadzah. She is giving suggestions precisely and her critism surprisingly works on me. I always pray that she will be healthy for a long time... We need to have more Quran teacher just like her.

6. New Project for Sustainability issues

There are projects to work on and I have fun with variety kind of Eco-Innovator workshops and all.. still, I haven't found any new job with stable income. Eventhough its a serious matter for me, Allah always give me with enough income, coming from freelance art commissions and as speaker for workshops. 

7. Best 10 Speaker for Indonesia Culture Conference 2022

I am writing about composting workshops that I worked on since 2020-2021. Happily I received invitation to Magelang and had a chance to present it to local people there~ I have received my appreciation also meet great people there~

8. Launching my Fanmerch Shop

Yes it is unexpected decision but for a while it become one of my source of income.. I love drawing and love the fact that it also become source of happiness for many people~

9. Finishing House Design for Phatty (my bestie~)

Yes its a challenging project as this is my first time working on real design and built project. But I am working hard for this one, I even invite many people to discuss with me. Thanksss so much for the opportunity~~

I am wondering.. what else should I listed here..  

For now, I am waiting for scholarship announcement. I have receiving my unconditional LoA from UCL (again lol) and from University of Gothenburg (Child Culture Design). Still, there are many things that I want to explore. Please help this mediocre friend here... I think people hardly defining my specialization as I never describe myself for only one talent. 

Please pray for the best result... 

I believe whatever I do in the future is because of Allah permission. I have been working very hard until now but if the result is not coming out the way I desire, Allah have better plan for me. 

my latest photo for fun hehe

I am 31 years old now