Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Give Me a Hug

Everything's annoying
Little things bother me
I'm losing my self-esteem
Well, people tell me
It's time to stop
It's time to get tired
It's nothing like that Umm

Full of greed
Even though I'm immature
Sometimes I lean on you
Can I cry?
Give me a hug

My face turned red
With your arms wrapped tightly
On the forehead with warm lips
You're gonna set me up there's nothing
I'm the only one with your eyes
When tears cover your eyes
I love you. Say something
Just one word

When I'm too tired and tired
When I'm so upset and sick
Be my place to lean on
Give me a hug
When you want to put everything down
When I feel like I'm alone
Be my place to lean on
Give me a hug

Get a hold of yourself, idiot
You need to be responsible
You know what I said
It's all for you
No matter how much I use up my emotions
It doesn't mean anything
I want to be comforted
Why are you all saying that?

With a smile on one's face
Even though he looks fine
Sometimes I lean on you
Can I cry?
Give me a hug

Taemin - Think of You

Sunday, November 22, 2020

Are You Excited or Afraid for Change?

 


open your eyes 

and tell me what's on your mind 

have you been feeling alright? 

or are you in need of time? 

 

some days are hard 

but with time we can find ourselves 

I'll be here if you need my help 

just free the words from your mouth 

 

and this time I'm not that scared to face life 

when you're not there 

oh I know you're tired of being alone again

just know you're desired 

even if you don't feel it now and then

 

change is hard 

with a broken heart in your way 

you didn't deal your cards 

so don't let them decide your fate 


Sunday, July 5, 2020

In the mid of being 28, in Corona Time





Hello, its me again.
Its been a long time since I wrote here in my blog.
Right now, I still work from home, quarantine my self from COVID 19.
Rather than being upset for this condition, I found that I started to remind myself of how I can be grateful for my life right now.

Firstly, I really grateful that I live in a complete family member. All healthy and well. I get to remind myself that quarantine is good when in Ramadhan we enjoy dinner and sahur together. My father still working in his office, preparing for his pension activity. My brother managing the small business stores, my mom still very active with her crafting. My sister still struggling with her work as graphic designer, only complaining about the demanding clients. No one fired and still get our monthly paid.

Secondly, I grateful in this condition, I can raising my kitten properly. In March, I have a kitten who abandoned by her mom when it was only 1 month old. I can be the one who encourage my kitten feed itself, getting rid of it skin problems. Now, it become more and more cute. We got another 2 kittens in the next 2 months and it added the playful scenery in my house.


SIBO - before after

What's next? 
Hemm... I think of how we get to happy to become ourself and content with being in our home is really important. I realized that did not playing at shopping mall or coffee shop is really okay. I save some money, of course. I also confront with my own fear without escaping to random places. I also wrote my own manual diary, where I can express all of my feelings. 

My routine every weekend is to join Tahsin study group, Weekend Art Club and Virtual Tour. Not only that, in our home, we also make some gardening activity every weekend. Added to that, my sunday morning filled with walking at Setu Babakan. 

My room now got better since I works and sleeps there all day. 
Right now, I am using different room for work and sleep. 







 and theenn be grateful of small things going on in my life~~



 


















Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Work From Home



Bekerja dari rumah selama pandemi ini membuat saya mempelajari hal-hal baru, juga lebih mengenal diri sendiri. Selama masa ini, bosan tak terelakkan. Khawatir berlebih karena situasi sangat rentan berubah dan sulit diprediksi. Semua rencana batal. Harus atur ulang pikiran, hati, kebiasaan, keseharian.

Nyatanya, selama 3 bulan sudah bekerja dari rumah, banyak hal yang ingin dilakukan akhirnya terwujud. Lebih rajin menggambar, membereskan sudut-sudut rumah yang berantakan sejak lama. Masak-masak dari yang lauk pauk hingga snack gak jelas. Lebih disiplin ngurus kucing di rumah, gemuk-gemuk semua.

Namun, ada juga yang gagal dijalankan. Berkebun jadi salah satunya. Sudah coba bunga matahari, kangkung, microgreens, telang, gak ada yang tumbuh. Mungkin karena kurang rajin. Mungkin juga nih tangan gak cocok aja pegang yang hijau-hijau (termasuk duit :p)

Untuk urusan self-care, kayaknya aman terkendali. Bayangin, bisa maskeran sambil meeting, gokil kan... meskipun mandi jadi irit banget, sehari sekali udah bagus. Berat badan? awalnya ga akan kepikiran karena di rumah gak ada timbangan. Tapi si Tika tiba-tiba beli online. Jadi insekyur harus bolak-balik nimbang. Yaa.. selalu antara 52-54 kilo. Naik cepet, turun juga cepet. Meskipun turunnya mandek di angka 52 aja. Ohiya jadi sering mainin model rambut. Kadang dicepol, dikepang, kuncir ala Ariana Grande, dikeriting, digerai kayak kuntilanak juga sering.

Urusan tabungan, sampai sekarang aman terkendali. Hamdallah banget kantor masih kasih. Karena kerja di rumah, ga ada yang namanya ongkos keluar. Belanja online juga jarang banget. Irit-seirit-iritnyah. Belanja online yang tertera di akun Tokped saya cuma untuk beli obat kutu kucing yang mahal banget, biji microgreens yang akhirnya gak tumbuh-tumbuh, dan DVD kumpulan film Ghibli. Total gak sampe 300ribu selama 3 bulan. Hemat kan? Padahal wishlist udah banyak banget, dari mulai tripod, alat gambar, sepeda (seriously!), buku-buku, sepatu, rak pajang, kursi males, meja lipat ala dekor korea, dan lainnya. Hamdallah banyak kepengenan masih bisa ditahan-tahan. Pengeluaran paling banyak adalah untuk makanan kucing, snack dan buah (iya,buah mahal ternyata).

Urusan pertemanan... mulai atur-atur jadwal telpon pake zoom/google meet segeng. Seru juga ternyata. Tetep bisa haha-hihi sambil tiduran. Curhat dari hal pekerjaan, kegiatan volunteeran, sampai romance.

Ada sedihnya juga kerja dari rumah ini. Meskipun judulnya begitu, masih banyak hal yang mengganjal, banyak tanggung jawab yang belum selesai, juga ternyata banyak kangen dengan teman-teman dekat. Masih suka galau, denial mau buka whatsapp, khawatir mulai sesuatu yang lalu ditunda-tunda. Harus pandai-pandai atur motivasi. Masih suka lepas, egois, dan sulit atur prioritas. Terkadang membenarkan kelakuan karena keadaan. Padahal masih bisa diupayakan.

Ohiya, akhir-akhir ini suka mimpi aneh mengenai teman lama. Dia suka mampir di mimpi dan kita mengobrol lama sekali. Semuanya berasa plong. Bangun-bangun rasanya kangen. Meskipun di dunia nyata mungkin orangnya sudah tidak seramah dulu, mungkin memori dia yang menyenangkan itulah yang ingin disimpan oleh otak saya. Kapan ya saya bisa ngobrol lama lagi dengannya?

Menulis ini rasanya tak cukup, ada banyak lagi hal yang ingin saya ceritakan meskipun enggan. Semoga suatu waktu nanti ada keberanian. Untuk sekarang, cukup sekian ya.
Dalam masa pandemi ini, saya masih baik-baik saja.


Bau-Bau #ceritatentangkota








Banjarmasin #ceritatentangkota











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