Mimpi

Hari ini aku memimpikan kamu,  sama seperti kemarin, bulan lalu dan beberapa waktu ini
Entah kenapa kamu muncul tiba-tiba, bahkan saat di hari yang sangat melelahkan
Sepertinya bukan rindu atau mengharapkan sesuatu
Karena kita sudah lama tak saling sapa atau bertemu

Di mimpi itu pun kamu munculnya sekelebat
Hanya hadir tipis-tipis , bukan dalam suatu peran yang hebat
Justru itu, mengapa hadirmu malah jadi terkesan istimewa?
Padahal kamu cuma berdiri saja, tidak seperti dirimu yang biasanya jumawa

Apa kamu juga bermimpi yang sama?
Aku harap tidak, ini kan cuma perasaan sepihakku saja
Yang bahkan sudah hilang, tak berjejak tak membekas
Aku harap ini cuma bunga tidur yang sebaiknya tak usah dibahas

Cerita Tentang Kota

This year, I want to try new things in order to develop my photography skills and story telling. Suddenly I want to join a 30 days challenge about story telling in a platform called instagram. I know, this is sound so cliche and I need stronger motivation to do so. I always lef behind regarding to keep the commitment and wanting to do this consistently is a big challenge. Then, I need to pursue something, not because of other people but for the sake of myself.

I always love to take photograph~
I also love to write and telling my story.
This years, these photos always kept on my hardisk without any urgent need to share publicly.
There are no use if I kept them all for my self
There are things that I want to share, in order to develop myself and my skills

This is a new challenge but I want to know where it leads me.

Me in 2019

Dear myself in 2019,
I know there are times you are dissappointed by your own expectation,
but you also know that you still be loved my many people, closest people around you.

I know there are times you lost your faith in yourself,'
however, still people trust you and thanking you for being there for them

I know you are tired of chasing your target and achievement,
but hey, take a slow walking and being grateful for moments sometimes can be entertaining.

I know for many years you have been longing for some love
but hey girl, You get it this year, growing some of love for being your awesome self.

I know that you are competitive in some aspects,
but then, this year you learn that life does not work like that.

I know sometimes you not feeling well and have a cloudy mind since you wake up in the morning
Hopefully you remember that life is not always sunny, the hard days makes it even greater journey

Love

In the end of 2017, I wrote a blog about my resolution in 2018. In that post I stated that want to be a greatest lover. Love for who I am, the love for how I define myself and how I contibute to my precious one. I promised I would learn more about that word and put more actions into it. I promised myself to love fearlessly and be great with it.

It turned out that love is a difficult lesson. I put my effort to be total in my passion. I also defended my believe only to protect things that I love.

In the process I was getting hurt. Many times.

Learning about my mistakes, get critized and pretended to be ok with it.
Getting crazily mad. Many times. I just acknowledge the other side of me when I have something to prove.
Testing my patient only to stay to do all of things that I love.

Also cried a lot in silent. But pretended to be fine with it until I have to find a sad movie as silly reason to cried my eyes out.
I have to face my fears. Many times. There are times when I was shaking only thinking about those things.

I also get disappointed many times with my own expectation.

Out of all those things, the worst feeling is when you think that nothing you can do to reach things you love even though you make efforts.

I am writing this only to calming myself.
To understand, sometimes there are things that out of our reach.

As an optimistic person, I try to conceal my sufferings with positive thoughts. It turned out that I am not reveal my true self. All I am doing is faking my true personality and not let my self grow.

Everyone is struggling to do what they love, we only do not know or prefer to not care at all.
For everything I have done and efforts behind it, it maybe unnecessary to reveal it all. But then, only ourselves understand and overcoming it. To do that, we just need a slightly motivation, effort and support. Asking for help also not bad, tho. 

Love is difficult lesson,
But then, for those who stays with us in our learning process are deserves to get special place in our heart. I really appreciate all of you who really cares and not even bored to listen to stories of my daily life.

For everyone who goes through this process, 

I may not an affectionate person, but let me know if you need me :)
I will do my best give out my love :)

Cinderella Sisters

Me Ame

 

Hari Pahlawan