Bodo Amat, An Indonesian Way to Give A Zero F*ck

Recently I read an international best seller :
A Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson.

I think I understand why it become best seller as its not giving us a predictable and motivating words to live our life. Instead, Mark Manson wrote about what we should stop worrying about something that we do not need.

Mark Manson is a famous blogger. From the book, it is said that he wrote articles about his life experiences and share some stories with his blog reader. The way he wrote is comfortable to read. Not boring at all, and I can imagining him talking while reading the words. I can keep up reading without being exhausted and willing to read all over again the parts that interesting for me.

The title itself sounds phenomenal. You would not forget easily as he not afraid put the f*ck word in it. It makes me wanted to know what it means. Counterintuitive approach is the most suitable term for this book.

Don't Try
First thing he explain in this book is about not to worry about positive experiences. In this life full of expectation, everyday we have been display with good pictures of people enjoying their life. It seems like everyone going to holiday, spend romantic time with their spouse, telling people how cute their child, and achieve prestigious title in their workplace. Meanwhile, we just scrolling through instagram feeds, doing nothing, and worrying about ourself. The feeling of worry itself grew bigger. We are worrying to the fact that we worry so much with people achievement. It becomes the feedback loop from hell.

So much things that we give a f*ck about. We get more pressure of enjoying our own life, but the pressure itself did not affect anything instead to impress people. By choosing our own priority to give a f*ck, then we should less worry and give a zero expectation to our experiences.Mark Manson also agree with my sceptical of life tutorials on : How To Be Happy craps. He said this in his book:

"The desire for more positive experience is itself a negartive experience. And, paradoxically,the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience."

also this one:

"Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting  the associated negative experience."

If we are not ready for all of the problems as the consequences of something we are choosing, then make it simple. Don't try.

Happines is a problem

Yes, I've seen this advice a lot: How to be happy, How to make our life full of joy, How to get rid dull experiences in our life, How to spread happiness. Yet, googling all of this things in internet makes me more miserable.

I think, Mark Manson get the point about happiness itself. It makes me understand (a bit) the definition of happiness and what we should do with problems.

We never get rid of the problem, even the kindest and richest people have their own stories. Life is a full package of experiences. We never can get rid of problem, and sadness. However, we can choose in specific term / activity of what we can be survive in order to learn. 

For the example, me, as an interior architect graduate. When I was in university, there are times that I wanted to quit, or cry, or have something that I afraid of. I spent long hours to study, in studio, without enough time to rest. However, this is what I choose to do. I cannot choose one thing that only comes with all joy and happy experiences. But then, since I choose to study in architecture, I should learn from all of challenges and try to face my fears. 

This is what Mark wanted to tell us.  We can choose our struggle. I think this is the best definition of how we address problems. Happiness comes after the struggles. Joy appear after we can solve the problem.

You Are Not Special

I know, the statement above is the antithesis of what all of millenials said. "You are not special" is a nightmare word for young people in this era. In all of motivational seminar we will see the statement said that all of us "unique", we have our own interest and we destined to do something extraordinary. 

"Special" itself is a wonderful word that sometimes becomes a burden. Special is a situation when one thing more valuable or attractive than the other. If everyone is special, then word "special" would lose its meaning. 

To be exceptionally great at something, we need to spend most of our time crafting our interest. However, we have limited time and energy that most of us have mediocre ability about something.

Feel over-confidence also become a trap for us to grow. In his book, Mark mention that we need to evaluate ourself with wisdom. Confidence is great, but then, we need to see our flaws to improve.
In the most usual way, an ordinary one, we found happiness