Monday, January 1, 2018

2018 Mission : LOVE Everything, Everywhere, Everytime


Welcome 2018~
Selamat tinggal 2017...
2017 menurut saya adalah tahun penuh pengharapan. Saya inget banget pada tahun 2012, saya punya 1 botol yang di dalamnya saya tulis harapan-harapan untuk tahun 2017, yaitu 5 tahun lagi dari tahun itu. Masih ada yang hapal beberapa harapannya, diantaranya bisa pergi ke benua lain, punya bisnis sendiri, dan minimal ada yang demen sama saya. Lah.

Tahun lalu, detik-detik sebelum masuk 2017, saya tulis lagi harapan-harapan untuk tahun itu. Saya berniat menjadikan 2017 sebagai ajang pertarungan saya karena diri saya di tahun 2012 menaruh banyak sekali keinginan. Di satu sisi, itu jadi cambuk. Di sisi lain, jadi beban moral. Saya juga banyak mempertaruhkan pikiran, fisik, dan materi untuk 2017 ini. Saya juga ingat, kalau saya tulis saya bersiap jika 2017 adalah tahun penuh kegagalan. Karena setelah seperempat abad hidup, saya jadi sadar, harus realistis. Banyak coba, persentase gagal juga pasti lebih banyak

Agenda besarnya 2017 adalah pengin kuliah lagi. Jadilah banyak coba-coba beasiswa dan embel-embelnya. Bulan demi bulan, kegagalannya mulai tampak, satu-satu. Ada yang hampiiiir berangkat, tapi kehendak Allah kasih hidayah untuk tidak mulai dulu. Terakhir, beasiswa lokal yang bikin campur aduk, juga bikin saya patah hati. Entah sudah berapa kali janji ke diri sendiri ga bakal bersedih karena berusaha realistis dan optimis. Kepikiran tetep, penasaran juga iya. Berkali-kali introspeksi diri dan terkadang menyalahkan diri sendiri. 

Kurang percaya dengan kemampuan sendiri adalah pelajaran terbesar untuk tahun 2017. Makanya untuk tahun depan, sepertinya akan lebih coba menuruti apa-apa yang saya butuhkan, secara fisik dan spiritual. Sudah berkali-kali juga mengingatkan diri sendiri dan teman untuk jangan pernah membandingkan rejeki kita dan orang lain. Janji tidak akan memuncukan pertanyaan: Kenapa sepertinya dia lebih dimuluskan jalannya dari kita? Atau sempat terpikir, dengan usia yang sama, dia jauh lebih sukses dari saya? Atau ketika momen bahagia teman jadi alasan kita untuk bersungut karena rejeki itu belum kunjung mampir ke diri kita. Banyak alasan untuk sayang dengan diri sendiri. Kita paling tahu apa yang sudah kita lakukan, apa yang berusaha kita raih, juga kebahagiaan yang coba kita tularkan. Ada orang-orang yang juga menaruh harapan dan sayang dengan kita. Jangan tergantung kepada banyaknya followers atau jumlah likes yang kita terima, tapi ada yang dengan seksama mendengarkan detil hidup kita yang mungkin tidak kita sebar di media sosial. 





If you are in love, love hard, even harder. 
Saya sebetulnya kurang familiar dengan term ini. Istilahnya, unconditional love, cinta tanpa syarat, tanpa melu-melu, tanpa banyak mau. Tapi tahun 2017 ini di satu sisi memberikan saya alasan kenapa saya harus berusaha membuka diri dan mencintai dengan tulus hal-hal yang saya suka. Suka aja tidak cukup, maka saya harus naik setingkat lagi. Hal ini berlaku di beberapa aspek dan ketertarikan saya. Dunia anak-anak, menari, arsitektur, kota, gambar, craft dan menulis.

Tahun 2017 memberi kesempatan saya untuk mencintai lebih dalam dunia tari sekaligus anak-anak. Seri Seni, sebuah komunitas yang dibuat sejak 2016 memberi saya banyak hal untuk disyukuri. Tahun depan harus lebih serius lagi menggarap komunitas ini. Dunia arsitektur, ketertarikan baru saya tentang kota, juga kegiatan menulis, mendorong saya untuk pergi ke berbagai tempat: Hong Kong untuk presentasi paper riset, Belanda untuk belajar singkat tentang kota dan air, Malang untuk presentasi paper lagi dan bersyukur dapat Best Presenter diantara banyaknya dosen beneran dan lulusan master. Juga terakhir, ikutan Social City Conference dan nginep di hotel di Jakarta, satu hal sebetulnya aneh tapi terjadi hehe.

Tahun depan, saya akan lebih serius menggali ketertarikan saya. Kalau suka aja kesannya nanggung, rasanya saya harus beneran membuka diri untuk mencintai berbagai hal. Katanya, kalau udah cinta, apapun jadi berasa mudah. Masih berasa sih untuk rasanya susah memberikan performa 100% karena sukanya masih setengah-setengah.





Terakhir, katanya cinta itu mendem kalau ga diungkapkan.
Setelah beragam kejadian dan kesempatan, rasanya harus lebih banyak kasih unjuk apa-apa yang saya suka dan berbicara tentangnya. Sebetulnya banyak agenda di kepala untuk lebih banyak menulis tentang hal-hal yang membuat saya tertarik, atau coba memberi komentar untuk hal-hal yang menurut saya patut diapresiasi. Tapi kadang cuma wacana. Kita ga pernah tahu seberapa pentingnya kata-kata tulus apresiasi kita untuk orang lain yang telah bekerja keras mewujudkan mimpinya, atau bagaimana 1 kalimat semangat dan peduli bisa menyelamatkan hidup orang lain.

Ketika mencoba untuk pergi dan nyicip lingkungan yang sama sekali berbeda, saya pernah merasakan bagaimana 1 kata dapat membuat saya berseri-seri juga mendapatkan kembali kepercayaan diri saya. Waktu liburan ke korea tahun 2016, saya beberapa kali mendengar komentar yang mengatakan dengan hijab saya, saya terlihat cantik. Di negara yang penuh dengan orang-orang yang cakepnya setengah mati, saya justru kaget ada yang bilang spontan seperti itu ke saya, dan itu terjadi beberapa kali. Hal yang ga pernah kejadian selama saya hidup di Jakarta, bahkan sebagai cat calling aja ga. Setela itu komentar spontan itu saya coba terapkan juga, terlebih untuk anak-anak yang saya ajarin nari. Akibatnya, terkadang mereka juga balik bilang hal itu ke saya, sambil bisik-bisik pula, hehee so sweet...

Nah sebetulnya, ketiga hal ini merupakan satu rantai tanpa putus. Dengan mencintai dan  menunjukkan cinta kita, maka ada orang-orang yang tahu bahwa mereka sangat berharga.
Sounds cheesy, but it really works.

Love yourself,
Love Unconditionally,
Spread the Love~~

Welcome 2018,
Lets see how far love will take us~

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Monday, December 18, 2017

Depressing Clock



I’m depressed, it’s depressing,
at this time, I’m depressed
I’m depressed, it’s depressing,
what time is it now? 11:30
I’m depressed, it’s depressing,
the gloomy clock ticks

I’m depressed, it’s depressing,
why did I eat the ramen? I probably gained weight
It’s raining, it’s raining,
making things sticky, it keeps raining
I’m sleepy, I’m sleepy,
I’m too lazy to do anything

When time passes,
the breakup that tore my heart apart
When time passes,
the young memories that kicked away at the blankets

It gets forgotten, gets forgotten,
it just passes right by
It gets forgotten, gets forgotten,
but back then I thought that was everything

When time passes, this depression now
When time passes,
the things I said were hard and complained about
They will become things of the past,

the sharp and emotional memories
They will become dull, become dull
like a square wearing down to become a circle

I’m depressed, it’s depressing,
becoming dull is depressing

I’m bitter, bitter,
as if I’m drinking herbal medicine

I’m depressed, it’s depressing,
it’s not a big deal but I’m depressed

I’m depressed, it’s depressing,
as if I’m eating bitter fruit, I’m depressed

RIP Jonghyun,
I'm listening to your composed song while having a hard time in 2013
I did not realize that depression is something that you cannot escape,
no matter how people around you trying to help
I am not depressed, but frankly everything at that time was so stressfull
I just want to hide at home, until my best friends calling me to come and passing the hard time together...

Still, you make a beautiful melody out of your struggles
I am the one who get comforted through IU's voice while trying to understand the lyrics means.

"When time passes,
the things I said were hard and complained about
They will become things of the past"

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Vlogging! KIJP Batch Pulau Panggang



Haloo~
Minggu lalu aku dapat kesempatan untuk nimbrung jadi relawan dokum di Komunitas Inspirasi Jelajah Pulau!

Seneng ketemu lagi sama dedek-dedek gemesh dan kakak-kakaknya yang sok gemes~

Sempat gak enak juga sama temen-temen relawan sepulau karena sering ga dateng rapat ditinggal buat acara kantor huhu..
Dan sekarang kembali gagal move on sama KIJP~
By the way, ini batch ketiga yang aku ikuti.
Setelah sekian kali ikutan Kelas Inspirasi di Jabodetabek, Komunitas Inspirasi Jelajah Pulau emang beda~ terbukti dengan aku yang udah ikutan 3 kali hahahaa ga kapok-kapok dan bosen daftar lagi.

Untuk temen-temen yang minat daftar KIJP tahun-tahun depan, sok atuh cek websitenya di SINI

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Love Advice


Being too cold is being stuck-up
Being too open- minded is being too easy
Being too cool makes him upset
Being nice makes him tired
What should i do
When i find one little thing that bothers me
I suddenly start hating everything about him
I know there is no perfect man
But I'm becoming more picky
Now i find what a true love is
After breaking up, True love
Too late when you regret
Trust me, be good when he's with you
If you go out with a random person out of loneliness
You'll still be lonely after all
If you are looking for the true love
 Stay brave and bold
when you're alone too 
I'm telling you
Chattering about guys
Everyday all day long
But you don't want a blind date
You want destiny

What should i do
Now i find what a true love is
After breaking up, True love
Too late when you regret
Trust me, be good when he's with you
If you start being picky
Nobody can satisfy you
If you want love right now
Keep your mind open and think
Whoever you find
Be honest and show who you are
Take your courage when asking out
It will happen once in your life
I'm telling you because it's you

Enjoying to Become Myself

As a girl whom already reach 25 years old, it is not easy to live without expectation of having life partner. I am not bother with my single status but the pressure from everywhere makes me questioned my life. What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with having single status? Or to make it sounds more misserable: 25 and never have a date. Even my mom surprise. I'm not sure I should be laughing or crying :""D

Yes I am alone but I never been feels I am completely alone. I always try to find new friend and after that I never felt I am all alone. I never been in situation where I have no one to depend on. I also never been far away from home for more than 2 months :""D. 

Sometimes when decided something, I also depend on other people. I am not sure it is part of tolerance or not being able to independent. Thinking about how I also involved in organisation as coordinator and have situation to decided something important, I think independency is not my problem though.

People also said: You haven't meet enough people to meet the right one. Hmmm... atleast I've tried? Almost every year I joined new activities where I met new people. But it is not the only one case, right? Sometimes, I also feel like blamed for not married yet by my ganks because I am the oldest among them. I know its not supposedly to become joke and it means they are praying for me also but you know, sometimes its growing my concern.

Last summer, I was experiencing three weeks of solo travel to the Netherlands. Somehow it change my perspective about being independent. For me, who never been living far away from home for more than 2 months, the experience triggered my independency and my self confidence. All of my friend whom already travel with me also know that I am the type of people who just sit back while all of them busy with something. You know what? My best friends were worried that I will sleep in the airport and missed my plane X''D

Being alone in a room, in the middle of stranger's country feels really odd. The emptiness somehow suffocated me. But then I've heard my inner voice talking. So I am more obedient to myself : cooking while I am hungry, cleaning my room everytime I feel unconvenient, singing along while listening to the music, writing blog everytime I feel mellow. I realized that while I'm away from home, there will be no one who giving me instructions to do this and that. I'm the only one who responsible to myself. 

Living in the same home for all of my life time, I am afraid that I can't be more familiar with different environment. But then, I have to admit that : maybe it is the time for me to leaving my house, taking another adventure and life experiences. While I am nowhere by myself, I feels like I become more brave and confident. Strange feeling yet exciting.

While in the Netherlands, I decided to take my solo journey by train and bike to another cities. While thinking about that, I worried to death. I might be lost or getting hurt on the way. Or I just worrying something that will likely never happened. One thing for sure: I want to know how far I got to test my courage all alone!

So I've spent my last 3 days to explore Utrecht, Denhaag and Leiden. I went to Utrecht by train and the rest by bike. I have to biking for total 34 km back and forth to Denhaag just to see Madurodam. The next day, I went to Leiden by bike which 27 km away from Delft. I have to pay extra attention to direction in google maps. Since I have no internet data, I have to keep the app open all the time.

First thing to spot on while you leaving Delft city


Since I was in a country that using bike all the time, their bike routes are well-developed~
No need to worry about the route.. The direction in google map also easy to follow. Compared with I've been through in HongKong, the landscape of NL is flat and mostly you only have to pay attention of where the river go. Bike routes mostly following the canals. 










No need to worry if no one took your photo, just find one of big window glass, or mirror!

I always can visit my favourite places without feeling uneasy... Or being too tolerate with my travel buddy.
 



Or stopped at the right place, whenever I feel tired, to have my own ice cream.

To meet this cute new friend... while enjoying my packed lunch..

 

Or stop awhile to take many photos of beautiful moments

These experiences give me different kind of being independent. Still, after all of that journey, I really missed to have conversation with my friend. But somehow, taking yourself to big journey, alone, is not a sad moment tho. I feels like dating my self (LOL :""). I always drag myself to accomplish something with all of deadline, always putting myself to pressure. While taking a solo journey, I can listen to myself, louder than before. All of conversation between me and myself. Still, I am in the middle of 20++ middle crisis. Talking and knowing ourself is the most important thing in this phase.

Maybe before I could listen to other people, or someone who will be with me all of my life, firstly I have to learn listening to myself. Also, I need to take my independent journey to a higher stage. I always believe that if God do not put ourself to certain condition that we always wanted, it means we haven't finish with the previous test. It might be the same with marriage, getting scholarship, get successful, being famous, and so on. I haven't finish yet with myself, so that God haven't sent me someone that I will taken care for.

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