Here I am in a city that 11,718.40 km away from my hometown trying to fulfill my responsibility as a student~
Nowadays I have been thinking about my next goal. Whether I need to move out and back to Indonesia or spend another year to get internship? I still contemplating on how I will direct my near future.
Finding some internship is not an easy task as I am still looking for a suitable position. I need to looking for them from now in order to survive but I am hesitant at the same time. I am still a little bit worry about the minimum wage, whether it is enough to fulfill monthly rent and my overall needs. A year study is too short! I wish I can get my second master later or I have a little bit interest going on with PhD even though it means I have to contemplate on my next goal.
Continuing my career in Indonesia is still questionable issue as well. I have the list and all the plan ready. I am afraid I broke out the trust while concentrating in my study. Before, I promise them to join the projects while I am here and I have difficulties finishing them all. Turns out, I still have those issue, abandoning projects but afraid to tell the truth about my condition. As a consequence, I am ghosting my colleagues while have my own everyday struggles. I think I need to change my attitudes, otherwise I can't get mature in this professional career.
I also have been thinking about finding some new friends that will develop as my romance interest later. I think its because I am in that age when I feel the urge to start building my own family. I countlessly writes about my intention to get married but I need to sorting out my thoughts and asking for my parent's blessing. Day by day, I am starting to imagining people stay by my side, while helping me to continue with my study. I think I am starting to get crazy, thinking that I am really really bad at relationship and never feel good enough for anyone. These are the issues that lingering in my head and become an annoying distraction while I am doing my writing. Moving out to study is one thing that difficult to do, let alone the thought of marriage.
Still, I want to find him through my journey.
May Allah granted this wish before I have my graduation ceremony (who knows!)
Well, everytime I get bad with time management, I don't know but I always coming back to this blog to write everything that become my distraction.
