Will 2021 Be Kind to Me?

 

Lia, How Was Your Day Today? Anything Happened?

 

 

 

Since pandemic occured, eventhough I felt a little anxious, honestly I feel so comfortable staying at home. Until then I realized that I really need social interactions. Moreover, I am ENFP who loves to meet people.

My February was really busy because of work. Almost everyday I have to talk in front of a lot of people, start from 08.00 AM, until 05.00 PM. Then, suddenly all of plans was laid off because of this pandemic. 

The frequent online group meeting was really great at first. I have some of the closest circles of best friend whom I really comfortable mumbling around. We get to spent time online karaoke, doing weekend artclub, virtual travelling, watching movies, or just randomly catch up and throwing jokes. 

Later on, online fatigue hit me hard. Maybe I still going on online fatigue until today. Working from home does not mean less work. I have to figure it all by myself, I have no one to talk to. This affected my schedule also. I get so unmotivated doing small tasks. We have online meetings but we can't even make jokes or have a chill session during work meeting. All we did and talked always about work. It really different when you can meet people in person. I really miss small talks or all of unimportant and spontaneous comments between jobs. 

Doing collaboration online also a bit tricky. I can't feel the closeness with new people I met online. So its all only about work without any further closeness to make friendship. At this point, maybe I just a bit lonely. Maybe I just feel a bit lost.

Until then, I rarely talk with someone via chat, unless for messages related to work or with my closest friends. 

All I did was watching something online, listening to the music bring joys. While doing chores or everyday tasks, have something to taken care of giving me a bit happiness. But then, all I want is to interact with people. 

I have a really bad attitude with chatting and messaging online. Even my closest friend admit it. I just sent them replies with emoticon or very short words. It really important thing since my works related to the online class where I have to respond to their messages. I don't really like to spend my time messaging people. But then, this situation is getting worse and I have to adapt somehow. 

In between being lost, lonely, thirst for getting social interaction, and added to the list: my non-existent love life, I download Bumble (you know some apps). It looks like I am trapped in uninteresting topics and lots of them not reply to any of my message. I did the same to several people. After some of questions and answers, I assumed that they are not interested in any topics with me (because I keep asking and its boring) I did my best to troll, give the cute GIF, ask silly questions to serious one. From manga fan to the musics, books and sports. I tried my best. Maybe its not the right time, maybe its the wrong place to seek comfort and long life partner.

Until then, I subscribe to the strangest service where you can get real time message from your favorite artist. In the format of 1 on 1 chat message. Its not a chat bot, its certified one where you get real text from them, eventhough they cannot reply to your chat personally but send them as broadcast. Still, they could read our replies and questions. .

I realized that, eventhough its only a simple message, you only want to get comforted with kind words. You only want someone to ask you: 

"How was your day?" 

and then ranting a lot about your worries and happy moments at that day. You only want someone to bubbling about their everyday experiences, even the smallest thing matter. I realized that in between, my heart skipped a bit every time I got the messages that full of affections. I learn a bit from it, and hope to do the same to other people. It's really hit me when the artist told us that he is lonely. He also only send the real, daily conversation that somehow, also the most important thing we need to know. To make sure they are in the safest place and doing good.

Somehow, it put my heart at warm feelings. 

And it remind me with the old days when I shamelessly texting people because I just want to. Oh how I really miss the moment when I fall in love with someone.

About chat and messaging, nowadays its really hard for me to do that. Easier for me to talk face to face, meanwhile online chat can make misunderstanding here and there. My old habit is to make people wait, I replied them really late. I also never the one who initiated conversation. I should try harder.

Well, this time, I just want to share that: Don't judge me if I subscribe to the all of those apps (LoL)

I just want to know that in this pandemic time, where the situation haven't getting better and change time by time, check our closest friends, relations, family. Only short message: 

How was your day? Are there anything you want to tell me? Something happened?

I believe there are people out there who really need those kind of words.

 

 

and... just a bit of cat videos or ice cream photos won't hurt 😆😻

Self Discovering

 

Looking at this music video remind me so much when I solo traveling to Delft. 

Instead of image going on a date (hopefully), I perceiving it differently. That's what I did when I going on solo trip. Just doing silly things alone.
I met new friends, casually strolling around the city with them. Sometimes I am dating my self hahaa.. just enjoying me-time, cycling across the city, stop whenever and wherever I want. I also took every scene I was interested in. Never waste any chance seeing mirror because its when you can have self-taken photo.

I think its about time to discovering myself again.

At first I was really afraid. To be alone by yourself in the strange place and unknown culture must be overwhelming. Then I really grateful for the experience. I listened to my self very well.

Maybe next year. Maybe I will take another self-journey and discovery.

2021 please be nice

God, let me explore another place, creation of yours...

Give Me a Hug

Everything's annoying
Little things bother me
I'm losing my self-esteem
Well, people tell me
It's time to stop
It's time to get tired
It's nothing like that Umm

Full of greed
Even though I'm immature
Sometimes I lean on you
Can I cry?
Give me a hug

My face turned red
With your arms wrapped tightly
On the forehead with warm lips
You're gonna set me up there's nothing
I'm the only one with your eyes
When tears cover your eyes
I love you. Say something
Just one word

When I'm too tired and tired
When I'm so upset and sick
Be my place to lean on
Give me a hug
When you want to put everything down
When I feel like I'm alone
Be my place to lean on
Give me a hug

Get a hold of yourself, idiot
You need to be responsible
You know what I said
It's all for you
No matter how much I use up my emotions
It doesn't mean anything
I want to be comforted
Why are you all saying that?

With a smile on one's face
Even though he looks fine
Sometimes I lean on you
Can I cry?

Give me a hug

Taemin - Think of You

Are You Excited or Afraid for Change?

 

open your eyes 

and tell me what's on your mind 

have you been feeling alright? 

or are you in need of time? 

 

some days are hard 

but with time we can find ourselves 

I'll be here if you need my help 

just free the words from your mouth 

 

and this time I'm not that scared to face life 

when you're not there 

oh I know you're tired of being alone again

just know you're desired 

even if you don't feel it now and then

 

change is hard 

with a broken heart in your way 

you didn't deal your cards 

so don't let them decide your fate 

In the mid of being 28, in Corona Time

Hello, its me again.
Its been a long time since I wrote here in my blog.
Right now, I still work from home, quarantine my self from COVID 19.
Rather than being upset for this condition, I found that I started to remind myself of how I can be grateful for my life right now.

Firstly, I really grateful that I live in a complete family member. All healthy and well. I get to remind myself that quarantine is good when in Ramadhan we enjoy dinner and sahur together. My father still working in his office, preparing for his pension activity. My brother managing the small business stores, my mom still very active with her crafting. My sister still struggling with her work as graphic designer, only complaining about the demanding clients. No one fired and still get our monthly paid.

Secondly, I grateful in this condition, I can raising my kitten properly. In March, I have a kitten who abandoned by her mom when it was only 1 month old. I can be the one who encourage my kitten feed itself, getting rid of it skin problems. Now, it become more and more cute. We got another 2 kittens in the next 2 months and it added the playful scenery in my house.

SIBO - before after

What's next? 

Hemm... I think of how we get to happy to become ourself and content with being in our home is really important. I realized that did not playing at shopping mall or coffee shop is really okay. I save some money, of course. I also confront with my own fear without escaping to random places. I also wrote my own manual diary, where I can express all of my feelings. 

My routine every weekend is to join Tahsin study group, Weekend Art Club and Virtual Tour. Not only that, in our home, we also make some gardening activity every weekend. Added to that, my sunday morning filled with walking at Setu Babakan. 

My room now got better since I works and sleeps there all day. 

Right now, I am using different room for work and sleep. 

 and theenn be grateful of small things going on in my life~~

 

 

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