Love

In the end of 2017, I wrote a blog about my resolution in 2018. In that post I stated that want to be a greatest lover. Love for who I am, the love for how I define myself and how I contibute to my precious one. I promised I would learn more about that word and put more actions into it. I promised myself to love fearlessly and be great with it.

It turned out that love is a difficult lesson. I put my effort to be total in my passion. I also defended my believe only to protect things that I love.

In the process I was getting hurt. Many times.

Learning about my mistakes, get critized and pretended to be ok with it.
Getting crazily mad. Many times. I just acknowledge the other side of me when I have something to prove.
Testing my patient only to stay to do all of things that I love.

Also cried a lot in silent. But pretended to be fine with it until I have to find a sad movie as silly reason to cried my eyes out.
I have to face my fears. Many times. There are times when I was shaking only thinking about those things.

I also get disappointed many times with my own expectation.

Out of all those things, the worst feeling is when you think that nothing you can do to reach things you love even though you make efforts.

I am writing this only to calming myself.
To understand, sometimes there are things that out of our reach.

As an optimistic person, I try to conceal my sufferings with positive thoughts. It turned out that I am not reveal my true self. All I am doing is faking my true personality and not let my self grow.

Everyone is struggling to do what they love, we only do not know or prefer to not care at all.
For everything I have done and efforts behind it, it maybe unnecessary to reveal it all. But then, only ourselves understand and overcoming it. To do that, we just need a slightly motivation, effort and support. Asking for help also not bad, tho. 

Love is difficult lesson,
But then, for those who stays with us in our learning process are deserves to get special place in our heart. I really appreciate all of you who really cares and not even bored to listen to stories of my daily life.

For everyone who goes through this process, 

I may not an affectionate person, but let me know if you need me :)
I will do my best give out my love :)