Reflection : Amelia in 32 to 33

As I am writing this blog, the cafe where I sit playing a song by Afgan: Jodoh Pasti Bertemu (Destiny will bring us together). Is that a sign for me to stop worrying about finding a romantic partner? lol

Okey stop for now, I want to write a reflection on being 32 while still clueless about how to get my life together for 33 years old me. 

Being 30s is not as bad as I thought it would be and I still enjoying my life with new opportunities. I keep my childish interests such as dolls, small figurines, colorful clothes, and cute trinkets. I gained another skill of being alone. I went to solo trip for 15 days to entirely different country with non-english speakers around. I am mastering on plan and book my own trip. I also getting better at taking care my personal hygiene and especially my bedroom. I love making it tidy, organized and pretty. I deal perfectly with laundry and accepting that I don't need to ironing my clothes all the time. I also fight and speak for myself when I almost get scammed by trolls in a foreign country. 

One thing that I would love to get better is to cook fancy foods and desserts. I wish I learn more about making pasta, pizza, baking delicious brownies and get better at food preparation. On the other hand, I need to excelling my skills in making Indonesian food.  

I already wrote everything in my essay paper about my career reflection and how I want to make difference in my profession. Honestly I want to pursue my career both in the country and abroad. Since I got the opportunity to study overseas in merely a good university, I think I had to use them effectively, in a good way. I feel like my career is stagnan before I started my master degree. Now, I have so many ideas and opportunities to try, but still I feel guilty for friends who want to collaborate with me in the past. I feel like I have that career trauma that makes me so hard to develop myself further. I always hesitates to take the risks, meanwhile its perfectly fine to share the burden with people you trust. I am afraid that I will make them dissapointed. I need to compare myself: How come I was enjoying every process of my master degree while hesitate and afraid to work on the real thing? I still find ways to overcome this situation. 

One thing that I realized, I am perfectly great working with people, who give me certain direction rather than being the one who lead all of that. Despite of my past experiences as leader of organization and program manager, I feel that taking the legacy over it making me imagining big stone throwing at my head. I need a partner who can give me assurance how things will be going. Do I need to consult this to professional? Maybe, I don't know.

Talking about relationship, honestly I prefer to maintain people who are close to me rather than build new relationship. I will always come to any friend meeting if I could. Also I prefer to make the circle small. The only bad thing is I don't always keep my guy friend close even though I have some of them around. Maybe that is why I being single ever since. I don't think that is a bad thing to be single all my life but eventually I feel so lonely whenever I see friends posting their photos with their significant other or with their children. 

Maybe it is time to open for new romance? Will it help if I am using online dating apps? Nowadays people love to reconnect with that especially we are in digital era. I just hate to do the chat, I prefer in-person meeting. On the other hand, I am afraid to meet people from online as there are many freakish people around. What should I do?

In my 32, I don't really think that I have certain issue for physical and mental health. Maybe I just have not discover it yet or I did not realized that I need help. I was so happy living abroad that I always explore new places, sometimes by my own self. I think I handled my priority better that I always submit my task before the deadline, never ask for delaying my submission and get okay mark for them. Only that I feel so distant with my friends in Indonesia that I neglected several projects because of that. Some of them even did not receive enclosure from my last statement that I ghosted them without any warning. My two worst traits is neglecting tasks that did not interested me anymore and I keep procastinate big tasks for smaller (and unimportant) events. 

There are things that I need to pay attention for my physical health. First of all, I am so scared of small lump in my armpit. Second one, I am gaining weight that put me to danger line of obesity. Third one, I always worry about my skin and teeth. Maybe it is time to scheduling my visit to doctor. 

 

Since I have been studying abroad, it change my perspective about how to contribute to the world and my country. There are so many people trying to live globally by staying in other country and contribute to the works where they are best at. I envy people who can give their best everywhere they are dwelling. Maybe, maybe I will do that too? 

Right now as my interest is become stronger in research, urban, social and environment, I am perceiving myself as a researcher. I love writing paper or articles and I have strengthen my ability to read academic resources and research method. Maybe one day I will pursue PhD and strengthen my position as researcher. I wish to do it before getting 40 or 35 (who knows lol). 

Honestly, in term of saving and investment, I have not doing anything instead of using my GPB saving lol. Will look into any form of investment since I am so worry about my future financial ability. I do not have house yet and struggling to fulfill my everyday needs as for now I do not have any full time job. I wish to built my own organization or company, maybe NGO one. 

I am trying to focus on my small achievements while being grateful for everything. Of course I had challenges and have been living in difficult situation, as it was my first time living away from home abroad. But everything is well executed on my part. I believe it is because of God's willing and my parent wishes.

My main lesson learned is I realized that I am still young to explore many opportunities ahead and it is okay to take a rest, lean back, trying new things that is not always related to my profession or my life vision. Using my time to enjoy walking in the city, is never time wasted. Instead, it gives me new inspiration, new reason to live a better life and to reconnect with God and my inner self. 

Overall, I am living a happy life in my 32 as many of my dreams has become true. I traveled to many countries, I have visited art galleries, famous places and artworks. I visited many architectural gems that I learned through my undergrad study. I also learned about cities and public transportation along when I living there. I was taking so many pretty pictures using my camera and did some of the drawings. I am happy that I found my young self again while leverage my academic skill, using scholarship. All of these situation is perfect for me that I am sad I had to leave. 

Wish the better me in this 33 years old, my main mission is to find a long-life partner and landing on stable profession. 

Also, cheers to 2025

Good Bye the Best Year of My Life: 2024

 Entering this new year while reminiscing about my important experiences in my academic journey and profession :)

2024 is the peak of my academic journey as I had the opportunity to learn at one of the best universities in the world, University College London (UCL), with a scholarship from the Indonesia Endowment Fund. One of my biggest dreams has always been to earn my master's degree at the Bartlett Faculty of the Built Environment. I learned so much from the Social Development Practice program, where I had the chance to develop my interest in development studies and citizen participation in planning.

In January, I submitted three essays that I worked on during the winter holiday, and I was thrilled to receive an A grade for two of them. I had struggled with academic writing and was feeling hopeless about my very first essay in my master's program, especially as it was my first experience studying abroad. I’m glad that I put in the effort to go through piles of materials and readings. :D

In February, my dissertation proposal was accepted as part of the fellowship research participants from the YUP: Young Urban Participation program. My study focused on young people’s communities in Surakarta and Lebanon. During this time, I had the best opportunity to learn from both theory and practice in young citizen engagement in an urban context, with the help of Kota Kita, an NGO in Surakarta.

Between April and May, I traveled back to my home country, Indonesia, with my classmates, lecturers, and researchers from the SDP UCL program. Thirty-six of us conducted research through the Overseas Practice Engagement program, staying in the same location and performing interviews, focus group discussions, and presentations. It felt like a surreal experience for me. I am grateful to the host organizations, government offices, and all the young people’s communities that worked with us for about two weeks. I gained new perspectives on detailed research practices in real-world situations and on grassroots issues.

From June to September, I struggled with my dissertation as I delved deeper into young people's participation and critiqued the digital literacy movement policy in Indonesia. Writing specifically about policy was a new experience during my master’s degree. It was certainly challenging, as I was only allowed to conduct desk research. Fortunately, I had my organizational partner working with me to help ensure accuracy with documents and interview transcripts. I also worked with my wonderful supervisor, Julian Walker, as well as my course leader, who actively provided valuable suggestions. I am beyond grateful that I was able to submit it just before the official deadline.

At the end of September, I was accepted into a Summer School program with a scholarship for an incredibly interesting program titled "Governing with Climate Change Resilient Cities." Staying at one of the oldest universities in the world, the University of Pisa, I met practitioners and academics from all over the world, sharing insights on the issue of climate change. Each speaker was actively engaged in climate change-related work and came from different academic backgrounds. It was refreshing to gain new perspectives from an interdisciplinary approach, as we need to strengthen collaboration across sectors to minimize the impact of climate change.

From October to December, I participated in several activities related to my past practice, and it was wonderful reconnecting with familiar faces. I had the chance to meet with community leaders in Jakarta for a Focus Group Discussion (FGD) about community waste management as a facilitator for the Kota Tanpa Sampah program. I also traveled to Semarang and Bandung as part of a Greenpeace event. In mid-December, I was invited to speak at the Environment Department of Jakarta and also worked on research with a specific focus on fashion waste.

In the middle of December, I received my award letter from my university, officially confirming the completion of my master’s degree.

I have many plans for 2025, some of which involve new initiatives, and I anticipate them with hope and optimism.

Cheers to the new year! :)