It's Been a Year!

 Hello!

It's been a year since I write something on this page..
I want to reflect on myself about my journey to get master degree and scholarship which I have been facing failures numerous time right now.
Not something to be proud of but I am asking myself everyday why I still persistent in this way.

There are days I am crying, questioning how I am still stuborn looking for higher education that seems impossible fot me at this moment.

I am writing in my hidden diary about my efforts, but I also believe that effort is not enough, we need the power of Doa. Right now I am finishing my scholarship interview, I just need to wait for announcement.. 

What am I doing for a year?

1. Taking Bridging Course for Master Degree Abroad from IIEF and LPDP

I have been wanting to find a suitable environment for me to keep on track about my higher degree journey.. That is why I am taking this course. After taking IELTS course and test, I also get my essays to be reviewed. It's been a great journey for me as this class help me to familiarized myself with academic english, which I need the most.

2. Taking my Korean course

Yes I am still taking my korean course so I have reached Sejong level 4. I need to find a challenge for my brain to be actively learning new languages. It's fun and I find Korean language everywhere so it helps me a lot.

3. Seri Seni 

For me its like an exercise routine and I feel energized by meeting people in the community. The only question is.. how can I help to enhance student's experiences? I feel like there are blocking walls from my personality that afraid to take risks. I need to be braver.

4. Tujuh Belasan Kaliapuran

Its been a great performances last year! I am proud of them as almost 30 children want to perform traditional dances in their own kampung. It's been a great collaboration and hardworks from all of people living there... I want to meet them again!

5. Tahsin

I have new ustadzah this year and she is way older than my previous ustadzah. She is giving suggestions precisely and her critism surprisingly works on me. I always pray that she will be healthy for a long time... We need to have more Quran teacher just like her.

6. New Project for Sustainability issues

There are projects to work on and I have fun with variety kind of Eco-Innovator workshops and all.. still, I haven't found any new job with stable income. Eventhough its a serious matter for me, Allah always give me with enough income, coming from freelance art commissions and as speaker for workshops. 

7. Best 10 Speaker for Indonesia Culture Conference 2022

I am writing about composting workshops that I worked on since 2020-2021. Happily I received invitation to Magelang and had a chance to present it to local people there~ I have received my appreciation also meet great people there~

8. Launching my Fanmerch Shop

Yes it is unexpected decision but for a while it become one of my source of income.. I love drawing and love the fact that it also become source of happiness for many people~

9. Finishing House Design for Phatty (my bestie~)

Yes its a challenging project as this is my first time working on real design and built project. But I am working hard for this one, I even invite many people to discuss with me. Thanksss so much for the opportunity~~

I am wondering.. what else should I listed here..  

For now, I am waiting for scholarship announcement. I have receiving my unconditional LoA from UCL (again lol) and from University of Gothenburg (Child Culture Design). Still, there are many things that I want to explore. Please help this mediocre friend here... I think people hardly defining my specialization as I never describe myself for only one talent. 

Please pray for the best result... 

I believe whatever I do in the future is because of Allah permission. I have been working very hard until now but if the result is not coming out the way I desire, Allah have better plan for me. 

my latest photo for fun hehe

I am 31 years old now

Some of the Happy News

 Hellooo...

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitriii~~

Here are some of the bright news coming from my scholarship and master application..

Dear God is the greatest for me.. Allah allowed me to try harder on the scholarship interview process. On the last week of Ramadhan, LPDP give me a good news about passing my TBS score. 

Moreover, I got my Unconditional Offer at UCL, my dream campus just right before Idul Fitriii~

I also have to submit my portfolio for UAL admission!

Well, please wish me luck for this opportunity~  

I will always depend on God for  my life guide and I hope I can be closer with my inner peace, while trying hard for the opportunities.

I will be more depend on my closest people, especially my family in order to gain my confidence... 

Please wish me luck in everything I try to do now~~

My Failures

 I know I will receive rejection email as I apply to many kind of scholarship.

I don't know how much I can bear to hear the bad result. 

But every time I feel down, I'm back to read books, telling stories to my closest people, and writing in any media 

Every time I receive the note of failure, I hesitates to walk further. I can't really accept it and admit that I have so many flaws. I even really scared to receive criticism from stranger. To the point I'm afraid showing off my self to the social media. To the point I sometimes feels jealous over people's achievements... 

I need to reflect on this matters, I need to evaluate myself to gain more life experiences.. 

I will exercise myself to receive more failures in order to be strong. 

Here are my failures in this first quarter of 2022

I hope, really hope that I learn a lot from this experiences...

Catatan Kecil

 

Bila ingin hidup damai di dunia
Bahagialah dengan apa yang kau punya
Walau hatimu merasa
Semua belum sempurna sebenarnya
Kita sudah cukup semuanya

Bila dunia membuatmu kecewa
Karna semua cita-citamu tertunda
Percayalah segalanya
Telah diatur semesta
Agar kita mendapatkan yang terindah

Impianmu terbangkanlah tinggi
Tapi slalu pijakkan kaki di bumi
Senyumlah kembali
Bahagiakan hari ini
Buatlah hatimu bersinar lagi

Bila ingin lebih damai di dunia
Berbagilah bahagia yang tlah kau punya
Kini hatimu terasa
Semua lebih sempurna
Karena kau hidup
Dengan seutuhnya

Impianmu terbangkanlah tingi
Tapi slalu pijakkan kaki dibumi
Senyumlah kembali
Bahagiakan hari ini
Buatlah hatimu bersinar lagi

Bila ingin lebih damai di dunia
Berbagilah bahagia yang tlah kau punya
Percayalah segalanya
Telah diatur semesta
Agar kita mendapatkan yang terindah

Kini hatimu terasa
Semua lebih sempurna
Karena kau hidup
Dengan seutuhnya

Money Money...

Since I resigned from my full time job, I listed all of the future important expenses that I need in order to support process of my self-development. 

Almost all of them were checked! ✅✅✅

I just need additional 12-15 million Rupiahs in order to buy a brand new laptop 😭😭

Let's work hard!!

Please pray for my future.. 

I need another 20 million Rupiahs to support my future education 🥺🥺🥺

Let alone marriage, I need to fulfill this dream first...

 

Courage

 Dear God, 

This year I want a fresh start in my career and my life. I want to explore Your creations in this world, I want to learn more, I want to grow love for myself. I want to be a great example for my students. I want to be great children for my parent. I want to give my best contribution as a human and Your ummat. 

Dear God, 

If I don't start my master and scholarship this year, please guide me to your other best scenario. You have the best decision to my life. As a human, I have my own limitation. The only thing I can do right now is to give my best effort to every path that I see in front of me. 

If I failed this year and no campus or scholarship that allow me to study my master degree, please give a bigger space for my heart. I am only a human that often hurt by my own expectation. I know and give You my trust that You will give me the best scenario in my life. 

I don't have any wish for this year except that I want a fresh start of my career and my life. I am ready to fight. I am willingly to do anything in order to give myself a new chance. Please give me courage to start all over again. If the fresh start does not mean master degree and scholarship, please give me a clear direction. 

Dear Allah, 

I just want to start my own independent journey. 

Please give me courage to be my own self. Please give me courage to start my own initiative.

Finally I Achieve my First 7.0 Band IELTS Test

 Helloo~ I will share my experience how to achieve 7.0 for IELTS score

Its my 4th time of IELTS test and every time I went to the test I always anxious about my writing and speaking. I always aimed to get at least 6.5, with no score under 6.0. With my capability, I can get 'okay' result, but sometimes one of them only have 5.5 or overall score only 6.0. 

There are many kind of IELTS course that I joined in span of 7 years, only to get into master degree and scholarship. Seven years of struggling and 4 times real test. Only two of them I get 6.5 and 7.0. Finally I got the pattern of how I study IELTS/.

Here are the courses that I joined before and my honest review: (Jakarta, Depok and Pare based)

2015

EF Depok - IELTS Intensive - about 4-5 months, fee between IDR 2000K-3000K

They gave us really great overall view about IELTS Test but I find it hard to get individual review. 

2016

TEST Pare Kampung Inggris - IELTS 1 month Intensive - IDR 1000K

Its like an eye-opener for me to join them. I spend only one month but feels like 1 year staying there. I have to spend my time in a dorm learning english all day. The morning class start at 5.30 AM 💀💀 and night class ended at 9.00-10.00 PM. But I really love all the curriculum, schedule, and classmate. I get to know all the theories to the specific tips from them. All in~! After join them I got my IELTS done with 6.5 score overall.

2018

LBI UI - Academic English or IELTS (?) I forgot, fee between IDR 1000K-2000K

I joined this only to upgrade my academic english but I feels like I did not really click with the lessons.

2018

Private Online IELTS Writing Feedback - 1 month - IDR 500K

Hemm its not really good experience for me because I couldnt catch up with daily tasks and my email stucked at his spam folder. Sooo  did not get full review and there were no class interaction between peers.

2019

Bel*ajar ID IELTS Writing - Online Whatsapp, below IDR 200K

Sadly I cant even remember what I learned here... I was really stress with work at that time. I couldnt even get the accepted IELTS score at that time

2021

My Skill ID IELTS Intensive Class - Online Zoom 1 month - IDR 1000K 

Only 10 times online class but its worth the price. I got 7.0 band and I think its also because I really want to push myself this time

I can say that the study time, consistency and have study partner is really important. 

The amount time you spend is not really affected the result, but its crucial to have effective exercise. 

I always use Cambridge IELTS as they have the most similar test package to the real one. They have 16 books and you can find the PDF easily on the internet. The listening part also on Youtube. You just have to type the specific test package, for instance: Cambridge 15-1, Cambridge 14-3. In one book, they have 4 test packages, include academic and general. 

I prepare IELTS Test about 3 month:

First month is for refreshing the general type questions and grammar, also useful tips that cover all of questions type. Usually I have to join group or pay for a class for this 1 month. After the class ended, I made a self-assessment and start to apply for the real test. That way I can settle up without postponed too far from the initial plan.

The next month, I got to drill the Cambridge books, but a bit slower to understand where I usually have my mistakes and try to watch Youtube videos or listening to British podcast about different topics. This month I'm learning by myself so I have to be strict with schedule:

*Listening - 40 min + 10 min (5.00 -6.00 AM)

*Reading - 60 min + 10 min (6.00-7.00 AM)

*Speaking - 15min + 10 min (after 4.00 PM or after 8.00 PM)

*Writing - 60 min + 10 min (only 2-3 a week)

-NB: last 10 min for making note/reminder and self-review

of course I did not really following the plan but at least it help me to figuring out my schedule (I also working full time) 

The last month before test, I find a study partner who can review my speaking or writing privately because its my weaknesses. Not to forgot also to keep drilling the practice books until I satisfied. I usually get to do listening and reading in the morning (I spend only 2 hours everyday) and writing/speaking 2-3 times a week (depend on revewer's schedule. If I need more opinion then I ask more than 1 reviewer. I really grateful to have friends who are willing to do that for me 😊😊

Here is my plan: 

I made this plan before join online zoom class. At first I aimed to have 7.5 band score even though I only need 6.5. I planned higher band in order to give more space to failure(?) in case I have difficulties in real test, at least I prepare the higher band when I'm practicing. 

On the other note, I really enjoyed computer based test! 

Maybe because I often write on the dekstop in my last practice month and feel awkward when I'm writing by hand. Its really convenient because I can hear the listening section clearly also the reading part I just need to scroll down for each part. 

Here is my detailed score:

- Reading 7.5

- Listening 7

- Writing 6.0

- Speaking 6.5

So overall 7.0 😊😊😊

I hope I can use this IELTS result for the better opportunity in achieving my higher education 😆

Please pray for me too~ 

Friend who want to get your IELTS may you get the best score