Self-Confidence

Pardon of bombing my selfie photo here,

I used to hate posting selfie photo actually,

but I want to tell you about me in my old days

Once, when I'm in my senior high school, I have serious issue about self-confident.

Before that, I believe I'm a bright girl, with average look but not enough to make me look down on myself. I think I'm good enough, I can dance, and I really enjoy public attention everytime I get chance to stand on a stage.

At that time I'm in an early stage of being teenager. I liked someone, I want to get into the circle of those popular girls, I want to get notice. But, all of that could only happened in my head. I have a really bad acnes all over my face, I soon to be a super shy girl. Moreover, when you liking someone and you feel not good about yourself, it can get you drowning in stressful.

What can you expect from this situation? Don't talk to me about take a selfie, even I hate seeing myself in front of mirror. Sometimes, kids near from my home would just yelling at me, telling me that I'm just ugly (seriously!). I'm not that close with girls in my class because I'm not confident enough. Those girls always gossiping about boys and I don't have any topic to talk with. At that time, I rather come late than arrived early and just sit like a fool. I have difficulty to talk in front of class. Even everytime we told to form a study group, I'm just an outcast. I rather choose studying alone in private course instead of come to the class. What you can expect from this situation? I have a reaaalllyy bad grade in my class. I rank 30/40 when in my prevoius year I rank 7/40. Eventhough I really dissapointed with my ownself, I relieved it already finished. No one pity of my downgrade because I'm too shy to share.

After that terrifying year, I realized its not my condition nor my environment that makes me drowning. It's just about me. I realize I just never loving my self with all of my heart. I always blame myself to be not pretty like others. I always comparing my self with others. I always looking for my own negative point than my good side. I always pitying myself because I can't join those girls group but I forgot I always have my best friend with me all the year. I always looking for something I don't have but I'm not grateful for what I've got. Since then I always promised myself to not let others affected my life in a negative way. I will not compared my self with others because I'm the one who decided my own happiness. It's okay to have problems because every people in this world had it. It become problem if we not grateful of what we have.

Get rid from lack of self confidence is really hard at the beginning. But the first thing you can do is treasure yourself, then treasure your closest friends/relatives who always there when you have problems. Promise yourself in the future to be a great person (just good is not enough!) and make your family and friends proud of you. I think that's enough to bring your own charm and let it shine so that people around you can see your potential.

Then, this is it..

My selfie here just to make sure, I am really grateful for who I am now,
#nofilterneeded #trustme #selfconfidence #smilebecauseyoulive

"Design Yourself"

You. Just decide what you will be. 

Exactly What I Feel in My 23

I’m twenty three
I’m pieces of puzzle
Try to guess the answer

I’m twenty three
Don’t be wrong 

Because
I am very sensitive 

A bunch of twenty three
Now becomes little feminine
Trust me moderately if I pretend to be a grown up

Cunning twenty three
Still long way to go, girl
If I pretend to be immature
Please be fooled roughly

I, yes, like now for sure
No, frankly speaking I wanna give up

Oh right I want to be in love
No I rather make money
Try to guess

Which one?
You cannot tell with my face
Making an opposite facial expression to the heart is really simple
Actually I don’t know either
At first, I never wrote even a single line of lies

Pretend to be a fox 

that pretends to be a bear 

that pretends to be a fox
Or completely different one

Which one?
Choose only one whatever it is
Being seen through the sunglasses, I’m used to it now

There’s nothing I’m afraid of
Even if I act rudely People are always kind to me

The woman saying hello to me

Is she still smiling after going round the corner?
I’m always anxious

I wanna be a child forever
No, I want to be a moist woman

Yes, I will live silently as death
No I will turn everything inside out

Which one?
You cannot tell with my face
Making an opposite facial expression to the heart is really
simple
Whichone?
Actually I don’t know either

I want you to like me
Can I be nasty a little?
I want you to like me
Can I be on the top of your head?

You cannot tell with my face
Making an opposite facial expression to the heart is really
simple

=thanks to IU, you got the point~

Kelas Inspirasi Jelajah Pulau

credit photo: Kak Rio

Mission Accomplished

Oh The Places You Will Go!
This time, this book will stay with children of Pari Island

Bermain di Pulau Pari

"Kak, kak, ambilin buahnya.. ambilin..."

Saya yang lagi jaga pos Amazing Race di pinggir pantai Perawan, tiba-tiba dipanggil sama dua bocah ini.
Ternyata mereka sedang main masak-masakan. Sejenak saya bengong, mikir antara gimana cara ambil buahnya (soalnya pohonnya tinggi :P) dan tiba-tiba kangen rasanya main masak-masakan di halaman rumah.

Anak-anak ini beruntung sekali, punya halaman bermain yang luas juga tempat berenang paling indah. Ruang publik yang bahkan sangat mahal harganya jika dibandingkan yang dimiliki anak-anak di kota.

Ngomong-ngomong ruang publik dan privat, pulau Pari ini sedang mengalami masa-masa sulit terkait kepemilikan pulau mereka. Potensi wisata yang baik karena pantainya yang indah tentu menggiurkan bagi para pengusaha wisata dan pemilik sahamnya. Sudah lebih dari 20 tahun penduduknya ada dalam masalah hukum dengan pengusaha yang mengaku membeli tanah penduduk. Bahkan, bapak pendayung yang baik hati mengantarkan kami keliling hutan bakau berkata kalau mereka tinggal di lahan milik suatu perusahaan. Loh, bagaimana bisa, ini kan pulau penduduk yang bahkan katanya dalam RTRW nya ada dalam zona pemukiman.

Ternyata, menurut pendiri Taman Baca Pulau Pari, Bang Andi, hal itu tidak benar. Memang masalah lahan sudah terjadi selama lebih dari 20 tahun. Namun pengusaha itu tidak memiliki surat resmi dan pemerintah menaruh pulau Pari sebagai kelurahan (atau kecamatan, saya lupa maap) yang kantornya diletakkan di pulau lain agar kepemilikannya jelas untuk warga. "Bukti mereka nggak kuat kok, dan hampir pasti di sini warga memiliki posisi yang kuat."

Ternyata, saya baru sadar. Bahkan untuk gundukan pasir-pasir ini, Jakarta (jika memang tetap diakui sebagai bagian dari Jakarta) tetap tak bisa lepas dari konflik antara ruang komersil dan ruang bagi warganya. Mudah-mudahan masalah tentang hak-hak ruang tersebut cepat selesai dan kita bisa menikmati alam, yang tak melulu dijadikan sebagai ruang konsumsi.

Betul loh, suatu kemewahan bagi kami, untuk bisa main Amazing Race bareng anak-anak di salah satu pantai paling cantik di pulau Pari.

Satu kemewahan bagi anak-anak pulau untuk bisa bermain dan berenang di sini, tanpa harus bayar uang masuk tiket di halamannya sendiri.

Sea and Kids

Nah, I think I will never get bored to join KIJP.
How come I abandon my two favorite things in this world: Sea and Kids?
Whenever I see sand and the sea, I can't say how this mixed of feeling and it's memories makes me calm and happy.
With all of this cute and rebel kids around me, laughing and their act never failed to get my heart.

How can I resist?
Sea and children somehow help me to become my ownself

See youuu kids of Pari Island...
We will see you again in no time...

siapkah?