It is time for me to letting my Chevening scholarship gone, as I don't get any reply from my university about my uncoditional LOA. I feel really sad, but deep in my heart I've been blame myself for my pessimistic side.
Chevening is my first scholarship which I'm applied to. I wrote down my essay in 5 hours, uploaded it in the last day. Only miracle letting me get my interview invitation, even get my conditional award. Until one of my worry happened. Ready or not, I have to apply for the university which have a really high standard. Once again, I'm not that confidence. If not because of the Chevening requirement, I won't get my courage to spend more IDR 1 million to get my application done.
Until now, two more days, or else my scholarship will be handed to the reserved awardee. I promised myself I won't cry. 1 month feels like longer than a year. Two days will be my nerve-wrecking moment. Meanwhile, I should be grateful enough I'm preparing for my summer school at TU Delft, NL.
My pray everyday, only God know the best. I've tried, eventhough I know I'm not trying that hard. If my decision can affect and be a positive change even to my surroundings, then God know it will be my new learning proccess. If its only have benefit for myself, I hope I won't get it.
I'm writing this as my healing proccess, as I know I'm growing up writing my everyday moments. I won't forget this time of my life, since it be my important point in my life. Should I get my master degree? Should I lost it to earning more money?
Atleast, I have tried, than dreaming about it all day not doing anything.