Step Back

There are many things I learned when I took a time off.

I am focusing on self-development where I just going with the flow with my own feelings

I write almost everyday about what I feel that day. I also try to revisit my old diaries. Its so much fun that you have different mindset. There are things that going better and worse but I tried to accept "me" the way I am. Full of black notes and colorful scribbles, made a beautiful complete picture of me

I really interested in topic of psychology nowadays. Maybe because I need to understand some of basic things about human and psychology books quite interesting. I read about stoic theories, mental illness, self love practice, and about love itself. I also joined a class about psychology of marriage and pre-marriage book. Other than that, I learn korean and join a master preparation class and group. That way I could give myself time to reflect and sorting out my problem one by one. 

That stoic book titled: Filosofi Teras, give a really good explanation to ignore some of the troublesome things related to the public pressures and problems. Social media gives us so much information. Overwhelming with that, sometimes I also get really insecure of how I live my life. But then, I realized that no one really pay attention of what we are doing unless we ask for help or attention. There are many things I held back doing because thinking of people's opinion. Just do what you want to do in a good way. If we have a really good intention, somehow we will be satisfied with our self 

I also tend to annoyed with a lot of things. I just could not really expressing it clearly. Most of my best friends said that I have a great patience with everything happened in my life, to the extent it might be harm my own self. I forgot to prioritize my needs instead of pleasing other people. I also seeking validation from other people while I set the wrong expectation about my capability. To ease that feelings I tend to blame my self because I think its easier for me to cope. I couldn't blame it to anyone but myself. However, it backfired to the condition that it's hard to forgive my ownself. 

I am sorry to that. I am really sorry. 

Some of books that I read while I'm in my hiatus told me really good advices. 

We can't control what other people think, instead we can control how we respond to that. 

We can't really control all conditions but we can work hard to prepare

We can plan all of our dreams but God knows us the best. Always. 

If we lost, its okay to stop for a while. Life sometimes need a pause. We can use that time to focus on our closest people. Taking care of them while we can do it. 

It's okay if our life seems not progressing (mostly because you compare it with others) but always try to contribute (even if its small or simple act) while we can. 

Try to be honest and express more of our feelings to really understand our own conditions. It might be a great ways to learn about ourself

I don't really agree with a statement "going with the flow" back then so I tend to plan all of things carefully. Now, I think to be a bit laid back but still holding on our life vision is a great ways to be grateful with our recent condition. 

Well, in the next post I really want to thank my closest people 

Thank you, thank you for always be there for the childish me