What If....

 Last night I have a really weird and vivid dream

I dream about my alternative life, somewhere

There are many scenes that I did not choose or almost happened in my life

Maybe if I imagine that, I can be someone different with my own self right now?

I imagine that I choose the other university that I also got accepted. Maybe I can be an independent girl who enjoy her life in that beautiful small town? Where I can speak Javanese fluently and exploring hidden gems around there... Maybe I choose to never go back to capital city ever again?

I imagine, what if I get the university acceptance letter before they announced that my scholarship granted for master degree? Maybe I can become one of those Chev alumni and become more confidence about my career? Maybe I have some int'l projects and working for global initiatives?

I imagine what if I told my feelings honestly, am I live a happy life together with him right now? Maybe I already married with someone and build my own small family? 

I imagine what if I act better with people, without ghosting them for years, could make me feel better about my self? 

I imagine what if I finish all of the things that I should did before I left... is that makes me feel good?

I imagine what if I being kind with my self... Maybe there are more skills, more activities and opportunities that I can get.. 

That dream honestly too good that its hurt.. made me think that...am I leading a wrong scenario?

Strangely I also feel so loved by many. In that dream my closest people and my partner also showering me with affectionate acts. Somehow feel unfamiliar yet so natural. 

There are things that I want to do but I was too busy thinking about people opinion

There are things that I want to finish but I always think that I am not capable enough

There are things that I want to execute but I just so scared about wasting my time

Why am I doing this as if my life right now is not good enough?

Can I leave this thoughts and moving on with my future path?