Recently I read a book about Pre-Marriage Talk
The book open my eyes about how complicated the preparation of marriage is. I always wonder:
Here it is me with no whatsoever experience about dating, always thinking why I there is no man interested in me??
Then I feel relieve that I don't have to face problems regarding romantic drama. My life right now so peaceful (even though of course I have anxiety about my confidence before)
Every time people asks me about marriage and dating, even though they are just purely curious, I tend to see that as a sign that I have no capability to make people liking me as a romantic partner. I did not know why there are no people confessing to me or have curiosity to know more about me. But then, the question is: If I have one people who like me that much, am I willing to live with him? Maybe yes, or no.
I also have control of who I want to spend my rest life with.
I tried dating apps before and somehow its really interesting. There are couple of dozen people interested in my profile, only few I chatted and nothing update after months. I ghosted them all (sorry!) because I am not really comfort of how people interact in those apps. Maybe I haven't really specified my own criteria so its really confusing for me to talk with several new people at the same time.
I tried to adjusting back my first intention and dropped them all.
Reading books about psychology, self-development and pre-marriage somehow brings me comfort. I confident that I can set my perspective back to zero, readjusting my own needs, have control power over my life instead of waiting for handsome prince riding white horse come to my door. I realized that I can make a plan about everything and make things work, one by one. I make the relationship between God and myself as the centre of all the matter, to remind that I have specific vision and mission, in dunya also akhirat.
You know, its basic but for me who blinded with world matters, I am trying really hard to get myself back to point zero.
In that book, first of all we need to make a plan with our self. To know more about our self, what is our strengths and weaknesses, our potential and our role in society. We need to make sure that we know the destination, how to get there and what we are preparing. In order to achieve that, do we need a partner for your journey? If yes, what kind of partner do you want to have to achieve your goals?
Marriage is never easy and long journey. Its not only lovey-dovey like a romcom drama. Marriage is not instant happiness nor finding legal cuddling partner. Its exhausting and lifetime learning. Spend your time with wrong people will be a nightmare. There are many stories that happened that I have to take notes but I hope I can find someone whom I really grateful to be with...
As an ENFP, it is said that I am an extrovert who loves to show up on social life. I also loves to discuss everything with my closest people. I think I need someone who willingly listen to my mumbles. At the same time, my friend said that I also great listener. But sometimes I secretly hide my sadness and problems. I am too good hiding them all behind my smile. I want to be with someone whom I trust enough to tell my rants without judging me. Sometimes I just want them to listen.
I jokingly said that my future partner should be a cat lover or else I will skip him. I try to imagine my life without cat. It must be boring and hell. I live my whole life with cats. It's a nightmare for me if my husband not allow me to keep one.
Hemm what else?
Actually I listed the criteria down and its almost filling up a whole page. The first one is he must have the same faith with me. I don't want to involve with family's drama and its better to avoid it from the start. The second one is he must be a non-smoker. My dad is a heavy smoker and I really hate him for doing that. It's not only about to smoke or not, but it's about empathy. Smoking at public space is a big turn-off. Moreover, it does not have any benefit for our health.
I love hardworking people. Seeing him sparks when telling me something that he's good at is really attractive. Other than that, it's will be good if he have hobbies. I will appreciate it if he is expressive and communicative. I won't mind getting flooded with chat and call as long as it's not annoying hehe..
Other trait is.. it will be so much fun if he loves to read. I can recommend many books and we can discuss it in an interesting way. I will also love it if he enjoy long trips or only strolling through the nearest neighborhood. Maybe for hunting photos or eat street food?
Lol I have so much fun when imagining things.
Atleast, appear in my dream, please!
