Dear Me in the Future (2026 to 2031)

 I remember I wrote this in 2021 and right now I already in the middle of 2026

In 2012, 2017, and 2021, I wrote some of my future dreams. I could only find the recipe from 2021, and I just realised it's already 2026. 

At that time, I had some of my dreams accomplished, Alhamdulillah~ but when I read the last post in 2021, it make me contemplate at how Allah is the one that give me the best life. 

I did my master degree abroad with full scholarship from government, in my favorite university, favorite city and country, the best of the best. 

I get to travel more, taking pictures and memories, created great bond with my closest people. 

After graduated, I got a great deal with project that made me travel abroad again, create new dream teammates that I really grateful of. 

All of my family members is here with me, celebrating various important events together. 

I haven't found my life partner yet, still looking for the most perfect candidate 😂 I don't know if I can find one before I leave this world. I don't know if it still be my ultimate goal in life or should I create another purpose of living?

Well, let's spend more time designing better life shall we?

In 2031, honestly I don't know if I will still be here or not. The idea of me living all these time is still feel surreal to me. I started questioning everything. I also starting to feel so scared of all these uncertainty. I live all my life feel so secured thanks to my beloved family. The burden of being an adult is starting to feel so real. Also in between these worldwide conflicts, nation's chaos, unemployment, etc... Maybe I will be in survival mode then.

The optimist side of me... wanted to stay abroad for so many reasons. I want to have exhibition abroad, I want to get a job in another country, get a fellowship, short course, second master or another degree, maybe.. could also my best friend for life (aka partner) come within package😅?

On the other side, I would love to fulfill my responsibility as an awardee of the scholarship. I need to stay up to 3 years and it would be finish around 2027. My age will be around 35 by then. I love that now I have projects waiting in line and I want to do something with that, based on my contribution essay. 

Then... I want to move somewhere by myself. I want to have my own living space. Place where I have full control of it. The place where I could grow many kind of flowers and romanticizing my own life. The place where I can freely cook my own dish and arrange my small library. 

Lastly... I want to be devoted moslem as well. I wish to learn more of Quran, Fiqh, Tahsin. I want to create a community (or family) that wish to learn Islam together. 

I will be around 39 by 2031 and honestly I am so scared that everything will be change so fast uncontrollably. I am still dumb about everything in this world and planning my life out every 5 years is a thing that keeps me fight. 

I am in the state where... whether death or life-long partner find me first... I believe God gives me the best scenario ever.

A Year Living in East London: Familiarity and Inclusion in A Diverse Environment

After a year spent my first time ever living abroad, instead of answering my questions and curiosity, I feel like it left me with more questions and things that left unanswered. There are several things that I expected to find out there, both personally and academically: Living in a diverse community as a minority

For me, I expect London would be like full of British people as it famous for it in the cinemas. London had certain image in my head of how people look, interact and spend their days. I didn't expect that I will land my first day in London at Whitechapel. I know beforehand that the area is full of immigrants and people said that its also home for muslims who live in London. Things that I didn't expect is the area more multicultural than I imagined. Walking through the streets of Whitechapel, I was surrounded by a mix of languages, cuisines, and cultural expressions that made me question my initial assumptions about the city. Instead of the stereotypical British experience I had envisioned, I found myself immersed in a global melting pot where the definition of "Londoner" extended far beyond its historical Anglo-centric image.

My flat is just 15 minutes from Tower Bridge and 10 minutes from Liverpool Street, situated between Tower Hamlets and the City of London. Despite being only a 10-minute tube ride apart, Whitechapel and Liverpool Street feel like two completely different worlds. Liverpool Street is dominated by office workers rushing between skyscrapers, while Whitechapel is filled with families, small community-run shops, and a mix of restaurants reflecting its diverse population. The contrast between these two areas is striking, highlighting the city's social and economic divides within such a short distance.

This experience made me reflect on what it means to be a minority in a diverse community. While I was expecting to feel like an outsider, I was surprised to find a sense of familiarity in the way different cultures coexisted. The presence of halal restaurants, grocery stores selling Indonesian ingredients, and the call to prayer echoing in the neighborhood made me realize that London, despite being foreign, also held fragments of home for many people. It was both comforting and unsettling, as it blurred the lines between feeling like a visitor and belonging to the city.

However, being part of this diversity did not always mean inclusion. I noticed how different communities often remained within their own cultural bubbles, interacting mainly within their groups using their language rather than integrating with others. It made me wonder—does diversity automatically mean social cohesion? Or do people still navigate their daily lives in parallel, without truly intersecting? These questions lingered as I continued to explore London beyond Whitechapel, experiencing different neighborhoods and witnessing the layers of social and cultural complexities that shaped the city.

This realization extended beyond my personal experience and into my academic curiosity. How does urban diversity influence social dynamics? What policies shape these interactions, and how do cities foster genuine inclusivity rather than mere coexistence? Instead of finding answers, my time in London only expanded my questions, pushing me to rethink the ways in which cities accommodate, challenge, and redefine the concept of belonging.

Once I came home, I feels like I have been living as majority almost all of my life time, taking the privilege for granted. On the other hand, experiencing living abroad in one of the biggest city, London, especially in East London, makes me realize what it means to be a minority. In East London, I was surrounded by people from different backgrounds, languages, and cultures, yet I often found myself feeling like an outsider. Simple things, I acquired new skill to point out an Indonesian even though I never seen them before. I also feel utterly happy whenever I found Keripik Singkong, Tempe, and Rambutan in the market. Even though I live near from Tian Tian Market (only 5 minutes away from my flat) and Kacha Bazaar (Bangla Market), I still struggling to find familiar food, made me aware of the privileges I had back home. It made me rethink my own identity and what it means to be part of a community. I started noticing the small acts of inclusion and exclusion, how people navigate differences, and how the city itself influences who feels welcome and who doesn’t.

This experience challenged my perspective, making me more conscious of the way space, history, and power shape daily life. It left me wondering—how do people truly integrate into a city? What makes a place feel like home? And most importantly, what can be done to ensure that cities become more inclusive for everyone?

My Usual Day at 14th February

Today is 14th February 2025

Nothing happen, just strolling the usual day on my own. Finishing deadline of a grants program and other application awaits. I have no one with me, sitting by myself at the local library. I have no expectation either about this day. 

I am starting to doubt my confidence. A woman in her 33rd, looking for a decent job and trying to get her luck on making initiatives. Still struggling to keep her idealism and her believe on love. 

I have been almost 15 years writing in this blog. Numerous time I wrote about my feelings, my hope, my expectation in the future. Yet I feel that I am soooo slow in understanding and expressing love. 

People said love will come in a right time, right place, right person. I am believing this too much and put a laid back attitude. Making myself busy, trying on everything, solo travelling checked, living abroad checked, getting another degree checked. 

I feel young, but at the same time feeling that my days ahead will never get younger ever again. This thought making me feel older. 

I don't want to stay in place, but get a decent saving and buy/rent housing on my own is another struggle. F*ck my life that I am living in a country where the government is not caring at all giving the best quality life of their citizen. 

I do not feel frustated *yet* but the pressure is here. Buying books about love, joining pre-marriage courses, attending family and psychology class. I did it all as if I am the dumbest person in the world when it comes to love and relationship subject. 

All the love songs and lyrics that I digest every night feels so out of context now. Even though I have some scenes in my life that made me feels butterflies in my stomach, I still feel that memories is too shallow to be called as romance, as there was no clarity, no confession, and just flings with no direction and vision.

I do try some online dating apps, the process I could say.. exhausting? I need more filters before I could talk with new people and without that I feels like I want to do everything else except replying stranger's messages.

Then... while I am contemplating this phenomenon myself... I need to answer the biggest question:

What is my vision in this dunya and akhirat? 

What kind of life partner whom I need to meet my vision?

This world is too short compared to akhirat, why I rush myself just to find the right one? While I still swing left and right about my knowledge in my faith, I should try harder to learn more and use my energy to be prepare for it.

Daftar LPDP Sampai 7 Kali?! Tentang Kegagalan dan Resiliensi Diri

Ketika mengikuti kegiatan persiapan keberangkatan angkatan 212 di bulan Agustus 2023, saya ingat salah satu narasumber bertanya: “Sudah berapa kali Anda mencoba beasiswa LPDP?”. Banyak yang menjawab sudah dua kali, tiga kali, hingga empat kali. Namun, di ruangan itu saya satu-satunya yang menjawab tujuh kali diantara 300an awardee. Saat seluruh ruangan riuh bertepuk tangan dan narasumber memberikan mic-nya kepada saya, saya sangat bingung apa yang akan saya katakan. 

Selama ini saya anggap hal tersebut sebagai aib, alih-alih prestasi. Di saat banyak awardee yang membagikan tips lolos dalam satu kali daftar, saya kok tahan untuk terus-menerus mendaftar sejak 2016 hingga ‘beruntung’ di percobaan ke tujuh. Setelah saya lulus studi master, saya baru dapat merelasikannya. Semua terjadi di saat yang tepat, ketika saya siap, support system cukup, pengalaman bekerja saya mumpuni untuk belajar di jurusan, kampus dan kota yang saya suka. Bonusnya adalah jurusan saya mewajibkan seluruh mahasiswanya untuk pergi penelitian ke Indonesia.

Saya lulus dari jurusan Arsitektur Interior ketika S1 dan mendaftar jurusan Sosial Development Practice untuk jenjang S2. Sekilas, kedua jurusan ini sulit untuk ditemukan benang merahnya. Dugaan saya, inilah yang membuat saya sulit mendapatkan skor tinggi dalam wawancara seleksi LPDP karena saya belum bisa memberikan jawaban lugas akan hal ini. Hal ini salah satunya juga karena saya masih mengeksplorasi hal-hal yang membuat saya tertarik dalam pengembangan karir maupun kontribusi di masa depan. 

Ada salah satu pengalaman yang sangat membekas saat saya berada di S1, yaitu mengikuti mata kuliah “Everyday in Architecture”. Mata kuliah ini membahas ‘keseharian’ manusia, hal-hal yang dianggap berpengaruh dalam bagaimana keputusan desain dibuat. Saya baru terpapar juga dengan konsep “Participative Design”, yaitu ketika desainer bukan lagi sebagai sumber ide, namun bagaimana jika desainer menggeser posisinya sebagai fasilitator yang membiarkan siapapun memberikan kontribusi dalam membangun ruangnya. Konteksnya bisa disesuaikan dengan apapun: ruang privat, ruang tinggal, ruang kota, dan lainnya. 

Mata kuliah tersebut juga memberikan tantangan kepada mahasiswanya untuk membuat penelitian kecil bersama masyarakat dalam satu semester. Alih-alih berhasil, kegiatan kelompok kami banyak membuat kegagalan. Namun, hal tersebut membuat dosen kami kagum dan mendorong kami lebih jauh: “Berapa kali lagi kalian sanggup membuat kegagalan? Petakan dan analisis kegagalan tersebut, lalu jadikan buku.” 

Hal tersebut cukup membekas dalam pengalaman studi saya di S1 sehingga ketika memilih karir pun saya lebih tertarik untuk terjun dalam kegiatan riset partisipatif di sebuah NGO yang fokus dengan konteks urban. Kendati memiliki sedikit pengalaman dalam konsep “Participative Design”, perbedaan antara arsitektur interior dan urban memiliki jarak yang harus saya kejar.

 

Hingga suatu ketika saat saya kunjungan kerja penelitian dan aksi masyarakat ke kota Banjarmasin, saya menemukan booklet yang dibuat oleh jurusan Social Development Practice, University College London. Hal tersebut menginspirasi saya untuk mencari tahu lebih dalam mengenai kegiatan yang mereka lakukan dan apa saja yang dipelajari. Saya yang sedang mendalami isu partisipasi warga dalam perencanaan kota merasa bahwa ini petunjuk dari Allah untuk bisa mendalami keilmuan ini, ditambah lagi jurusan Social Development Practice UCL juga memiliki fokus wilayah di Global South. 

Ketika belajar Social Development Practice, saya merasa bahwa kegelisahan saya selama menjalani pekerjaan saya sebagai peneliti dan aktivis urban dibahas secara mendalam. Salah satu teori partisipasi yaitu Ladder of Participation yang selalu saya jadikan acuan di lapangan akhirnya dijadikan bahasan dalam kelas, beserta pengembangan teori partisipasi lainnya. Dosen yang menjadi pengampu mata kuliah utama juga sudah familiar dengan beragam konteks isu di Indonesia, juga terdapat bahasan kelompok yang mengambil studi kasus acuan dari negara ini. 

Di samping itu, saya sangat dimanjakan dengan pembahasan studi kasus dari berbagai negara, di mana dosen-dosen saya berkecimpung langsung di dalamnya. Mereka kebanyakan berprofesi sebagai praktisi international development dan bergabung dalam komunitas-komunitas internasional sehingga sangat paham dengan kompleksitas di lapangan. Selama ini di pekerjaan saya terkadang merasa clueless dan harus mencari tahu sendiri jawaban atas tantangan-tantangan yang saya hadapi. Saya bersyukur berada di lingkup akademis yang sangat kuat dalam praktik lapangan. 

Salah satu tantangan yang saya alami adalah ada banyak bahasa-bahasa akademik yang saya harus pelajari dengan cepat di jurusan ini. Kendati sudah bekerja selama kurang lebih 7 tahun, kembali lagi untuk sekolah tentunya bukan hal yang mudah. Untungnya, kampus memberikan beragam program tambahan untuk academic writing dan fasilitasi tugas di luar jadwal perkuliahan. Saya bisa booking jadwal fasilitasi one on one untuk essay dan fasilitator yang kebanyakan merupakan mahasiswa S3.

Pengalaman terbaik adalah ketika saya mengikuti Overseas Practice Engagement ke Surakarta Indonesia bersama 31 orang teman sekelas dan 5 orang dosen serta peneliti dari UCL selama 2 minggu. Fokus penelitian ini juga sejalan dengan proposal disertasi yang saya ajukan karena saya terpilih sebagai salah satu peserta program Research Fellowship di Development Planning Unit UCL. Saat itu kami meneliti tentang partisipasi orang muda dalam pembangunan kota Surakarta dan aktivisme mereka di dunia digital. Tentunya saya sangat bangga memperkenalkan Indonesia dan berusaha untuk memberikan impresi terbaik. 

Merasakan bahwa teman-teman saya belajar mengenai komunitas orang muda di Surakarta, saya sadar bahwa kegiatan ini juga memberikan energi timbal balik antara komunitas orang muda dan mahasiswa Social Development Practice. Saya merasakan apa yang kami pelajari dan rencanakan di kelas yang berada di Inggris, dapat diaplikasikan langsung sesuai dengan konteks Indonesia sebagai lokus penelitian. Saya belajar menambal kekurangan yang pernah saya lakukan dalam berpraktik dahulu saat bekerja, juga memberikan ide praktis saat menggali data penelitian berdasarkan pengalaman saya sebelumnya. 

Selain itu, bekerjasama dengan orang yang beragam latar belakang, bahasa dan budaya juga menjadi pembelajaran saya baik selama berkuliah di Inggris maupun ketika berpraktik sebagai peneliti. Saya beruntung mendapatkan pengalaman berharga tersebut baik secara teori dan praktik. Sensitivitas dalam melihat konteks, menempatkan diri dan mengajak komunitas untuk berpartisipasi dan bertukar pengetahuan membutuhkan kepercayaan dan keingintahuan yang tulus. Kesadaran akan adanya beragam identitas yang terlibat dengan inisiatif yang dikerjakan bersama, serta memikirkan dari sudut pandang komunitas yang rentan terhadap isu pembangunan, menjadi standar praktik baru dalam pekerjaan saya.

Salah satu goal yang saya tulis dalam esai LPDP saya adalah bagaimana membangun komunitas dengan sensitivitas isu lokal dan memiliki wawasan sudut pandang global. Kolaborasi lintas disiplin dan juga lintas negara menjadikan komunitas yang terlibat memiliki kekayaan pengalaman. Kolaborasi keilmuan dan sinergi antara praktisi, akademisi, pemerintah juga sektor privat memberikan kesempatan tersebut. Hal ini menginspirasi saya bahwa Indonesia memiliki ruang tumbuh yang luas untuk bisa maju dengan kesadaran akan potensi sekitar dan dapat berkontribusi sebagai contoh bagi negara lain.

Dalam perenungan saya mendalami makna lika-liku perjalanan untuk bisa belajar di universitas dan jurusan yang saya minati, saya menyadari bahwa setiap kegagalan dan pencapaian yang saya alami merupakan bagian dari proses yang telah mempersiapkan saya untuk langkah berikutnya. Semua pengalaman tersebut memberi saya perspektif yang lebih luas, tidak hanya dalam konteks akademis, tetapi juga dalam melihat masalah sosial dan pembangunan secara lebih holistik. 

Kini, dengan bekal pengetahuan yang lebih matang dan pengalaman lapangan yang berharga, saya siap kembali ke Indonesia untuk berkontribusi dalam pembangunan sosial yang lebih baik. Saya berharap dapat mengaplikasikan berbagai teori dan praktik yang telah saya pelajari, serta terus belajar dari masyarakat untuk menciptakan solusi yang relevan dan berkelanjutan. Dengan begitu, perjalanan saya selama ini tidak hanya menjadi sebuah pencapaian pribadi, tetapi juga sebagai upaya untuk memberikan manfaat bagi banyak orang dan menginspirasi perubahan yang lebih positif.

Reflection : Amelia in 32 to 33

As I am writing this blog, the cafe where I sit playing a song by Afgan: Jodoh Pasti Bertemu (Destiny will bring us together). Is that a sign for me to stop worrying about finding a romantic partner? lol

Okey stop for now, I want to write a reflection on being 32 while still clueless about how to get my life together for 33 years old me. 

Being 30s is not as bad as I thought it would be and I still enjoying my life with new opportunities. I keep my childish interests such as dolls, small figurines, colorful clothes, and cute trinkets. I gained another skill of being alone. I went to solo trip for 15 days to entirely different country with non-english speakers around. I am mastering on plan and book my own trip. I also getting better at taking care my personal hygiene and especially my bedroom. I love making it tidy, organized and pretty. I deal perfectly with laundry and accepting that I don't need to ironing my clothes all the time. I also fight and speak for myself when I almost get scammed by trolls in a foreign country. 

One thing that I would love to get better is to cook fancy foods and desserts. I wish I learn more about making pasta, pizza, baking delicious brownies and get better at food preparation. On the other hand, I need to excelling my skills in making Indonesian food.  

I already wrote everything in my essay paper about my career reflection and how I want to make difference in my profession. Honestly I want to pursue my career both in the country and abroad. Since I got the opportunity to study overseas in merely a good university, I think I had to use them effectively, in a good way. I feel like my career is stagnan before I started my master degree. Now, I have so many ideas and opportunities to try, but still I feel guilty for friends who want to collaborate with me in the past. I feel like I have that career trauma that makes me so hard to develop myself further. I always hesitates to take the risks, meanwhile its perfectly fine to share the burden with people you trust. I am afraid that I will make them dissapointed. I need to compare myself: How come I was enjoying every process of my master degree while hesitate and afraid to work on the real thing? I still find ways to overcome this situation. 

One thing that I realized, I am perfectly great working with people, who give me certain direction rather than being the one who lead all of that. Despite of my past experiences as leader of organization and program manager, I feel that taking the legacy over it making me imagining big stone throwing at my head. I need a partner who can give me assurance how things will be going. Do I need to consult this to professional? Maybe, I don't know.

Talking about relationship, honestly I prefer to maintain people who are close to me rather than build new relationship. I will always come to any friend meeting if I could. Also I prefer to make the circle small. The only bad thing is I don't always keep my guy friend close even though I have some of them around. Maybe that is why I being single ever since. I don't think that is a bad thing to be single all my life but eventually I feel so lonely whenever I see friends posting their photos with their significant other or with their children. 

Maybe it is time to open for new romance? Will it help if I am using online dating apps? Nowadays people love to reconnect with that especially we are in digital era. I just hate to do the chat, I prefer in-person meeting. On the other hand, I am afraid to meet people from online as there are many freakish people around. What should I do?

In my 32, I don't really think that I have certain issue for physical and mental health. Maybe I just have not discover it yet or I did not realized that I need help. I was so happy living abroad that I always explore new places, sometimes by my own self. I think I handled my priority better that I always submit my task before the deadline, never ask for delaying my submission and get okay mark for them. Only that I feel so distant with my friends in Indonesia that I neglected several projects because of that. Some of them even did not receive enclosure from my last statement that I ghosted them without any warning. My two worst traits is neglecting tasks that did not interested me anymore and I keep procastinate big tasks for smaller (and unimportant) events. 

There are things that I need to pay attention for my physical health. First of all, I am so scared of small lump in my armpit. Second one, I am gaining weight that put me to danger line of obesity. Third one, I always worry about my skin and teeth. Maybe it is time to scheduling my visit to doctor. 

 

Since I have been studying abroad, it change my perspective about how to contribute to the world and my country. There are so many people trying to live globally by staying in other country and contribute to the works where they are best at. I envy people who can give their best everywhere they are dwelling. Maybe, maybe I will do that too? 

Right now as my interest is become stronger in research, urban, social and environment, I am perceiving myself as a researcher. I love writing paper or articles and I have strengthen my ability to read academic resources and research method. Maybe one day I will pursue PhD and strengthen my position as researcher. I wish to do it before getting 40 or 35 (who knows lol). 

Honestly, in term of saving and investment, I have not doing anything instead of using my GPB saving lol. Will look into any form of investment since I am so worry about my future financial ability. I do not have house yet and struggling to fulfill my everyday needs as for now I do not have any full time job. I wish to built my own organization or company, maybe NGO one. 

I am trying to focus on my small achievements while being grateful for everything. Of course I had challenges and have been living in difficult situation, as it was my first time living away from home abroad. But everything is well executed on my part. I believe it is because of God's willing and my parent wishes.

My main lesson learned is I realized that I am still young to explore many opportunities ahead and it is okay to take a rest, lean back, trying new things that is not always related to my profession or my life vision. Using my time to enjoy walking in the city, is never time wasted. Instead, it gives me new inspiration, new reason to live a better life and to reconnect with God and my inner self. 

Overall, I am living a happy life in my 32 as many of my dreams has become true. I traveled to many countries, I have visited art galleries, famous places and artworks. I visited many architectural gems that I learned through my undergrad study. I also learned about cities and public transportation along when I living there. I was taking so many pretty pictures using my camera and did some of the drawings. I am happy that I found my young self again while leverage my academic skill, using scholarship. All of these situation is perfect for me that I am sad I had to leave. 

Wish the better me in this 33 years old, my main mission is to find a long-life partner and landing on stable profession. 

Also, cheers to 2025

Good Bye the Best Year of My Life: 2024

 Entering this new year while reminiscing about my important experiences in my academic journey and profession :)

2024 is the peak of my academic journey as I had the opportunity to learn at one of the best universities in the world, University College London (UCL), with a scholarship from the Indonesia Endowment Fund. One of my biggest dreams has always been to earn my master's degree at the Bartlett Faculty of the Built Environment. I learned so much from the Social Development Practice program, where I had the chance to develop my interest in development studies and citizen participation in planning.

In January, I submitted three essays that I worked on during the winter holiday, and I was thrilled to receive an A grade for two of them. I had struggled with academic writing and was feeling hopeless about my very first essay in my master's program, especially as it was my first experience studying abroad. I’m glad that I put in the effort to go through piles of materials and readings. :D

In February, my dissertation proposal was accepted as part of the fellowship research participants from the YUP: Young Urban Participation program. My study focused on young people’s communities in Surakarta and Lebanon. During this time, I had the best opportunity to learn from both theory and practice in young citizen engagement in an urban context, with the help of Kota Kita, an NGO in Surakarta.

Between April and May, I traveled back to my home country, Indonesia, with my classmates, lecturers, and researchers from the SDP UCL program. Thirty-six of us conducted research through the Overseas Practice Engagement program, staying in the same location and performing interviews, focus group discussions, and presentations. It felt like a surreal experience for me. I am grateful to the host organizations, government offices, and all the young people’s communities that worked with us for about two weeks. I gained new perspectives on detailed research practices in real-world situations and on grassroots issues.

From June to September, I struggled with my dissertation as I delved deeper into young people's participation and critiqued the digital literacy movement policy in Indonesia. Writing specifically about policy was a new experience during my master’s degree. It was certainly challenging, as I was only allowed to conduct desk research. Fortunately, I had my organizational partner working with me to help ensure accuracy with documents and interview transcripts. I also worked with my wonderful supervisor, Julian Walker, as well as my course leader, who actively provided valuable suggestions. I am beyond grateful that I was able to submit it just before the official deadline.

At the end of September, I was accepted into a Summer School program with a scholarship for an incredibly interesting program titled "Governing with Climate Change Resilient Cities." Staying at one of the oldest universities in the world, the University of Pisa, I met practitioners and academics from all over the world, sharing insights on the issue of climate change. Each speaker was actively engaged in climate change-related work and came from different academic backgrounds. It was refreshing to gain new perspectives from an interdisciplinary approach, as we need to strengthen collaboration across sectors to minimize the impact of climate change.

From October to December, I participated in several activities related to my past practice, and it was wonderful reconnecting with familiar faces. I had the chance to meet with community leaders in Jakarta for a Focus Group Discussion (FGD) about community waste management as a facilitator for the Kota Tanpa Sampah program. I also traveled to Semarang and Bandung as part of a Greenpeace event. In mid-December, I was invited to speak at the Environment Department of Jakarta and also worked on research with a specific focus on fashion waste.

In the middle of December, I received my award letter from my university, officially confirming the completion of my master’s degree.

I have many plans for 2025, some of which involve new initiatives, and I anticipate them with hope and optimism.

Cheers to the new year! :)

Please Let Me Finish my Dissertation Today 🙏💗

 

I need supportive peers around this time

I am lucky to have my friends around me so I feel so grateful of this

Let's finish it quickly

Hopefully all of us got the best result~

I Need to Finish My Dissertation First Draft

Hello~
Here I am in a city that 11,718.40 km away from my hometown trying to fulfill my responsibility as a student~

Nowadays I have been thinking about my next goal. Whether I need to move out and back to Indonesia or spend another year to get internship? I still contemplating on how I will direct my near future. 

Finding some internship is not an easy task as I am still looking for a suitable position. I need to looking for them from now in order to survive but I am hesitant at the same time. I am still a little bit worry about the minimum wage, whether it is enough to fulfill monthly rent and my overall needs. A year study is too short! I wish I can get my second master later or I have a little bit interest going on with PhD even though it means I have to contemplate on my next goal. 

Continuing my career in Indonesia is still questionable issue as well. I have the list and all the plan ready. I am afraid I broke out the trust while concentrating in my study. Before, I promise them to join the projects while I am here and I have difficulties finishing them all. Turns out, I still have those issue, abandoning projects but afraid to tell the truth about my condition. As a consequence, I am ghosting my colleagues while have my own everyday struggles. I think I need to change my attitudes, otherwise I can't get mature in this professional career. 

I also have been thinking about finding some new friends that will develop as my romance interest later. I think its because I am in that age when I feel the urge to start building my own family. I countlessly writes about my intention to get married but I need to sorting out my thoughts and asking for my parent's blessing. Day by day, I am starting to imagining people stay by my side, while helping me to continue with my study. I think I am starting to get crazy, thinking that I am really really bad at relationship and never feel good enough for anyone. These are the issues that lingering in my head and become an annoying distraction while I am doing my writing. Moving out to study is one thing that difficult to do, let alone the thought of marriage.

Still, I want to find him through my journey. 

May Allah granted this wish before I have my graduation ceremony (who knows!)

Well, everytime I get bad with time management, I don't know but I always coming back to this blog to write everything that become my distraction.

My second grade came out and it's A again

 

My second grade came out and it's A again!

Later I will share how I am planning out my writing paper and how I get to find my materials through literature~

I just want to say that I am so grateful!

My First Grade for Essay - Term 1

Hellooo~
I just want to send off my gratitude to Allah because I got A for my first 2000 words essay!
I was too afraid to see the result because I feel inferior and don't even know how to get rid of my anxiety. 

Let's be more confident next time and believe in my own self~

will update more of my learnings and my life here~

Term 1 Ended~ and Happy New Year 2024

 Hello~~

Nearing the end of my winter break, I want to share my learning through the time I pursue my master degree here in London. I am enjoying it so far but honestly most of the time I am struggling with my assignments. I need to focus on my study otherwise I cannot get a satisfying mark. 

A lot of new things happen, surely I need to adjust faster. As my stay here only a year, I think I am a bit laid back compared to other friends here. Most of them exploring new cities and countries menawhile I am holding back traveling, for the sake of essay lol. Now in the last weekend of my winter break, I am a bit regret it. I need to be braver to explore, even though it means I am going for solo traveling.

Back to my study, I am wondering if I entered wrong program as I have so many expectation that a little bit different from the actual learning. In our class, we discussed about a lot of things but I guess I still put my focus on art and design things and still hold onto it. That is why, when my program discussing about (for example) policy, that is something I am not familiar with. 

I also regret that before I enter my master program, I did not focus enough to learn about academic english. Reading is the integral part of our study and almost all of modules marked by essays. Its been a while since I focusing on academic papers and readings, let alone writing essays. It is true that I wrote essays before to apply my master degree and scholarship, but its entirely different from master degree assignments. I thought that I learn enough about IELTS and academic english, because I joined free online course for 3 months in the beginning of the year. I guess, I have to work really really really hard to improve my writings. I promise that I will write more this year. I love writing journal and diary, I guess I need to do it in between my academic essays.

In the process and class activities, I really proud of my self that I can handle group work in a great way, based on my opinion. Whenever I have group work, we always receives praises, saying that our group always have a great structure of argumentation and evidence. I love working as a group for practice module, the lecturers really great as well to bring certain atmosphere to the class. I also grateful that my optional module was really interesting as we received different topics each week, the lecturers are greatest expertise in their own field. 

One thing that I can say about learning my master degree abroad: NO REGRET AT ALL, especially I was aiming to do it in the best university in built environment: Bartlett School of Architecture UCL. Every corner and facilities is top notch, the location great. Everyday I grateful of my privilege to be here, experiences that I get to have once in my lifetime. London is great also, I love being in the big city and enjoying my study so much. 

Day by day, I feel like that my study here will more relate to my practices back in my country. I just a little bit anxious of how I will handle all of that expectation. I left it to my self, trying to not bother by anyone's comments. 

Anything to aim in the future, I just want to peacefully study here, and finish it with the works that I am proud of. 

Next time I will tell you my favourite places here in London~ 

See ya

My Start as a Master Student!

Hello~

It's been months since I write in this blog. I want to tell that I got accepted at government scholarship to study at University College London as my dream campus!

I wrote about so many failures in the past getting this scholarship. I cannot wait to challenge my self studying abroad and maybe encounter another failures but its okay since I will not stop myself to learn and try endlessly.

The announcement was in 8 June 2023, but I fell asleep that day because the notification was late at night. On the next day, 9 June on 6.30 am, I get the notification about I had passed the passing grade thus make me a scholarship awardee. 

Instead of happy feelings, honestly I was very anxious because I have so many things going on that time. The projects, new program, collaboration seems just coming in and about to start. How can I do my master this year? It will start in 3 months and even I had no idea how to process all of this euphoria. 

Excited, of course. But then reality hit me hard when all of this process need a certain amount of money in order to settle my visa and insurance. My family is really helpful in order to support my needs. It's been a while since I have my stable job and the amount needed is no joke. I get remboursment already but the awarding institution will not start my funding until I apply for visa. 

After all of the administration process coming to end, another hardship going in. I need to stay somewhere in that country, yet the housing is really hard to get. The accommodation rent price is increasing these days. It's been a wild experience to call housing agents and do the viewings. Luckily, a moslem landlord sending me message after a while ago I sent him message and did not get any respond until that day. 

The flat is in a new condition, all of the facilities is in the best condition, and I get the room that I dreamt of. Love every corner of it, even the landlord will supply us with tissues and cleaning products for a year. What a great deal I got. Even though it's a bit pricey more than my expectation, and far from campus (30 mins by tube) I think it's bearable. 

Today I am writing this short story of my experiences in a local library near my flat in Whitechapel. What a great experiences in the beginning of my stay here. I have been trying hard familiarized myself with the streets, transportation, payment method, etc. 

What else... I think that's all for my first week here. Starting next week there will be introductory seminars, meeting with friends, get my student card, etc.

My study will start at 25th September, please be a good day, please :)

It's Been a Year!

 Hello!

It's been a year since I write something on this page..
I want to reflect on myself about my journey to get master degree and scholarship which I have been facing failures numerous time right now.
Not something to be proud of but I am asking myself everyday why I still persistent in this way.

There are days I am crying, questioning how I am still stuborn looking for higher education that seems impossible fot me at this moment.

I am writing in my hidden diary about my efforts, but I also believe that effort is not enough, we need the power of Doa. Right now I am finishing my scholarship interview, I just need to wait for announcement.. 

What am I doing for a year?

1. Taking Bridging Course for Master Degree Abroad from IIEF and LPDP

I have been wanting to find a suitable environment for me to keep on track about my higher degree journey.. That is why I am taking this course. After taking IELTS course and test, I also get my essays to be reviewed. It's been a great journey for me as this class help me to familiarized myself with academic english, which I need the most.

2. Taking my Korean course

Yes I am still taking my korean course so I have reached Sejong level 4. I need to find a challenge for my brain to be actively learning new languages. It's fun and I find Korean language everywhere so it helps me a lot.

3. Seri Seni 

For me its like an exercise routine and I feel energized by meeting people in the community. The only question is.. how can I help to enhance student's experiences? I feel like there are blocking walls from my personality that afraid to take risks. I need to be braver.

4. Tujuh Belasan Kaliapuran

Its been a great performances last year! I am proud of them as almost 30 children want to perform traditional dances in their own kampung. It's been a great collaboration and hardworks from all of people living there... I want to meet them again!

5. Tahsin

I have new ustadzah this year and she is way older than my previous ustadzah. She is giving suggestions precisely and her critism surprisingly works on me. I always pray that she will be healthy for a long time... We need to have more Quran teacher just like her.

6. New Project for Sustainability issues

There are projects to work on and I have fun with variety kind of Eco-Innovator workshops and all.. still, I haven't found any new job with stable income. Eventhough its a serious matter for me, Allah always give me with enough income, coming from freelance art commissions and as speaker for workshops. 

7. Best 10 Speaker for Indonesia Culture Conference 2022

I am writing about composting workshops that I worked on since 2020-2021. Happily I received invitation to Magelang and had a chance to present it to local people there~ I have received my appreciation also meet great people there~

8. Launching my Fanmerch Shop

Yes it is unexpected decision but for a while it become one of my source of income.. I love drawing and love the fact that it also become source of happiness for many people~

9. Finishing House Design for Phatty (my bestie~)

Yes its a challenging project as this is my first time working on real design and built project. But I am working hard for this one, I even invite many people to discuss with me. Thanksss so much for the opportunity~~

I am wondering.. what else should I listed here..  

For now, I am waiting for scholarship announcement. I have receiving my unconditional LoA from UCL (again lol) and from University of Gothenburg (Child Culture Design). Still, there are many things that I want to explore. Please help this mediocre friend here... I think people hardly defining my specialization as I never describe myself for only one talent. 

Please pray for the best result... 

I believe whatever I do in the future is because of Allah permission. I have been working very hard until now but if the result is not coming out the way I desire, Allah have better plan for me. 

my latest photo for fun hehe

I am 31 years old now

Some of the Happy News

 Hellooo...

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fitriii~~

Here are some of the bright news coming from my scholarship and master application..

Dear God is the greatest for me.. Allah allowed me to try harder on the scholarship interview process. On the last week of Ramadhan, LPDP give me a good news about passing my TBS score. 

Moreover, I got my Unconditional Offer at UCL, my dream campus just right before Idul Fitriii~

I also have to submit my portfolio for UAL admission!

Well, please wish me luck for this opportunity~  

I will always depend on God for  my life guide and I hope I can be closer with my inner peace, while trying hard for the opportunities.

I will be more depend on my closest people, especially my family in order to gain my confidence... 

Please wish me luck in everything I try to do now~~

My Failures

 I know I will receive rejection email as I apply to many kind of scholarship.

I don't know how much I can bear to hear the bad result. 

But every time I feel down, I'm back to read books, telling stories to my closest people, and writing in any media 

Every time I receive the note of failure, I hesitates to walk further. I can't really accept it and admit that I have so many flaws. I even really scared to receive criticism from stranger. To the point I'm afraid showing off my self to the social media. To the point I sometimes feels jealous over people's achievements... 

I need to reflect on this matters, I need to evaluate myself to gain more life experiences.. 

I will exercise myself to receive more failures in order to be strong. 

Here are my failures in this first quarter of 2022

I hope, really hope that I learn a lot from this experiences...

Catatan Kecil

 

Bila ingin hidup damai di dunia
Bahagialah dengan apa yang kau punya
Walau hatimu merasa
Semua belum sempurna sebenarnya
Kita sudah cukup semuanya

Bila dunia membuatmu kecewa
Karna semua cita-citamu tertunda
Percayalah segalanya
Telah diatur semesta
Agar kita mendapatkan yang terindah

Impianmu terbangkanlah tinggi
Tapi slalu pijakkan kaki di bumi
Senyumlah kembali
Bahagiakan hari ini
Buatlah hatimu bersinar lagi

Bila ingin lebih damai di dunia
Berbagilah bahagia yang tlah kau punya
Kini hatimu terasa
Semua lebih sempurna
Karena kau hidup
Dengan seutuhnya

Impianmu terbangkanlah tingi
Tapi slalu pijakkan kaki dibumi
Senyumlah kembali
Bahagiakan hari ini
Buatlah hatimu bersinar lagi

Bila ingin lebih damai di dunia
Berbagilah bahagia yang tlah kau punya
Percayalah segalanya
Telah diatur semesta
Agar kita mendapatkan yang terindah

Kini hatimu terasa
Semua lebih sempurna
Karena kau hidup
Dengan seutuhnya

Money Money...

Since I resigned from my full time job, I listed all of the future important expenses that I need in order to support process of my self-development. 

Almost all of them were checked! ✅✅✅

I just need additional 12-15 million Rupiahs in order to buy a brand new laptop 😭😭

Let's work hard!!

Please pray for my future.. 

I need another 20 million Rupiahs to support my future education 🥺🥺🥺

Let alone marriage, I need to fulfill this dream first...

 

Courage

 Dear God, 

This year I want a fresh start in my career and my life. I want to explore Your creations in this world, I want to learn more, I want to grow love for myself. I want to be a great example for my students. I want to be great children for my parent. I want to give my best contribution as a human and Your ummat. 

Dear God, 

If I don't start my master and scholarship this year, please guide me to your other best scenario. You have the best decision to my life. As a human, I have my own limitation. The only thing I can do right now is to give my best effort to every path that I see in front of me. 

If I failed this year and no campus or scholarship that allow me to study my master degree, please give a bigger space for my heart. I am only a human that often hurt by my own expectation. I know and give You my trust that You will give me the best scenario in my life. 

I don't have any wish for this year except that I want a fresh start of my career and my life. I am ready to fight. I am willingly to do anything in order to give myself a new chance. Please give me courage to start all over again. If the fresh start does not mean master degree and scholarship, please give me a clear direction. 

Dear Allah, 

I just want to start my own independent journey. 

Please give me courage to be my own self. Please give me courage to start my own initiative.

Finally I Achieve my First 7.0 Band IELTS Test

 Helloo~ I will share my experience how to achieve 7.0 for IELTS score

Its my 4th time of IELTS test and every time I went to the test I always anxious about my writing and speaking. I always aimed to get at least 6.5, with no score under 6.0. With my capability, I can get 'okay' result, but sometimes one of them only have 5.5 or overall score only 6.0. 

There are many kind of IELTS course that I joined in span of 7 years, only to get into master degree and scholarship. Seven years of struggling and 4 times real test. Only two of them I get 6.5 and 7.0. Finally I got the pattern of how I study IELTS/.

Here are the courses that I joined before and my honest review: (Jakarta, Depok and Pare based)

2015

EF Depok - IELTS Intensive - about 4-5 months, fee between IDR 2000K-3000K

They gave us really great overall view about IELTS Test but I find it hard to get individual review. 

2016

TEST Pare Kampung Inggris - IELTS 1 month Intensive - IDR 1000K

Its like an eye-opener for me to join them. I spend only one month but feels like 1 year staying there. I have to spend my time in a dorm learning english all day. The morning class start at 5.30 AM 💀💀 and night class ended at 9.00-10.00 PM. But I really love all the curriculum, schedule, and classmate. I get to know all the theories to the specific tips from them. All in~! After join them I got my IELTS done with 6.5 score overall.

2018

LBI UI - Academic English or IELTS (?) I forgot, fee between IDR 1000K-2000K

I joined this only to upgrade my academic english but I feels like I did not really click with the lessons.

2018

Private Online IELTS Writing Feedback - 1 month - IDR 500K

Hemm its not really good experience for me because I couldnt catch up with daily tasks and my email stucked at his spam folder. Sooo  did not get full review and there were no class interaction between peers.

2019

Bel*ajar ID IELTS Writing - Online Whatsapp, below IDR 200K

Sadly I cant even remember what I learned here... I was really stress with work at that time. I couldnt even get the accepted IELTS score at that time

2021

My Skill ID IELTS Intensive Class - Online Zoom 1 month - IDR 1000K 

Only 10 times online class but its worth the price. I got 7.0 band and I think its also because I really want to push myself this time

I can say that the study time, consistency and have study partner is really important. 

The amount time you spend is not really affected the result, but its crucial to have effective exercise. 

I always use Cambridge IELTS as they have the most similar test package to the real one. They have 16 books and you can find the PDF easily on the internet. The listening part also on Youtube. You just have to type the specific test package, for instance: Cambridge 15-1, Cambridge 14-3. In one book, they have 4 test packages, include academic and general. 

I prepare IELTS Test about 3 month:

First month is for refreshing the general type questions and grammar, also useful tips that cover all of questions type. Usually I have to join group or pay for a class for this 1 month. After the class ended, I made a self-assessment and start to apply for the real test. That way I can settle up without postponed too far from the initial plan.

The next month, I got to drill the Cambridge books, but a bit slower to understand where I usually have my mistakes and try to watch Youtube videos or listening to British podcast about different topics. This month I'm learning by myself so I have to be strict with schedule:

*Listening - 40 min + 10 min (5.00 -6.00 AM)

*Reading - 60 min + 10 min (6.00-7.00 AM)

*Speaking - 15min + 10 min (after 4.00 PM or after 8.00 PM)

*Writing - 60 min + 10 min (only 2-3 a week)

-NB: last 10 min for making note/reminder and self-review

of course I did not really following the plan but at least it help me to figuring out my schedule (I also working full time) 

The last month before test, I find a study partner who can review my speaking or writing privately because its my weaknesses. Not to forgot also to keep drilling the practice books until I satisfied. I usually get to do listening and reading in the morning (I spend only 2 hours everyday) and writing/speaking 2-3 times a week (depend on revewer's schedule. If I need more opinion then I ask more than 1 reviewer. I really grateful to have friends who are willing to do that for me 😊😊

Here is my plan: 

I made this plan before join online zoom class. At first I aimed to have 7.5 band score even though I only need 6.5. I planned higher band in order to give more space to failure(?) in case I have difficulties in real test, at least I prepare the higher band when I'm practicing. 

On the other note, I really enjoyed computer based test! 

Maybe because I often write on the dekstop in my last practice month and feel awkward when I'm writing by hand. Its really convenient because I can hear the listening section clearly also the reading part I just need to scroll down for each part. 

Here is my detailed score:

- Reading 7.5

- Listening 7

- Writing 6.0

- Speaking 6.5

So overall 7.0 😊😊😊

I hope I can use this IELTS result for the better opportunity in achieving my higher education 😆

Please pray for me too~ 

Friend who want to get your IELTS may you get the best score

Welcome 30!!

 

Yesterday is my 30th birthday.

I've been really anxious how my 30 will become

I think I was anxious because of my own expectation

Should people in their 30 get married?

Should people in their 30 have a stable career?

Should people in their 30 have a high income?

Am I should be sad if I can't achieve those yet?

I am tired of expectations yet I believe that I am capable of handle my own business

I'm imagining myself I will be an inspirator and influencer someday

and I'm proud that I can achieve it bit by bit 

I've been contributed to some of the environmental projects along with NGO and government institutions

I also created activities in communities.. 

I hope that I can achieve my long dream this year to pursue my master degree

Please please let it happen... 

I can only hope it will be my last chance to give all of my energy 

Maybe I can get married peacefully after pursuing my master degree 😅😅👀😹

Lastly, thank youuu for all of my besties who write wishes for my birthdayy

😆😆😆🙈🙈