Bodo Amat, An Indonesian Way to Give A Zero F*ck

Recently I read an international best seller :
A Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson.

I think I understand why it become best seller as its not giving us a predictable and motivating words to live our life. Instead, Mark Manson wrote about what we should stop worrying about something that we do not need.

Mark Manson is a famous blogger. From the book, it is said that he wrote articles about his life experiences and share some stories with his blog reader. The way he wrote is comfortable to read. Not boring at all, and I can imagining him talking while reading the words. I can keep up reading without being exhausted and willing to read all over again the parts that interesting for me.

The title itself sounds phenomenal. You would not forget easily as he not afraid put the f*ck word in it. It makes me wanted to know what it means. Counterintuitive approach is the most suitable term for this book.

Don't Try
First thing he explain in this book is about not to worry about positive experiences. In this life full of expectation, everyday we have been display with good pictures of people enjoying their life. It seems like everyone going to holiday, spend romantic time with their spouse, telling people how cute their child, and achieve prestigious title in their workplace. Meanwhile, we just scrolling through instagram feeds, doing nothing, and worrying about ourself. The feeling of worry itself grew bigger. We are worrying to the fact that we worry so much with people achievement. It becomes the feedback loop from hell.

So much things that we give a f*ck about. We get more pressure of enjoying our own life, but the pressure itself did not affect anything instead to impress people. By choosing our own priority to give a f*ck, then we should less worry and give a zero expectation to our experiences.Mark Manson also agree with my sceptical of life tutorials on : How To Be Happy craps. He said this in his book:

"The desire for more positive experience is itself a negartive experience. And, paradoxically,the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience."

also this one:

"Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting  the associated negative experience."

If we are not ready for all of the problems as the consequences of something we are choosing, then make it simple. Don't try.

Happines is a problem

Yes, I've seen this advice a lot: How to be happy, How to make our life full of joy, How to get rid dull experiences in our life, How to spread happiness. Yet, googling all of this things in internet makes me more miserable.

I think, Mark Manson get the point about happiness itself. It makes me understand (a bit) the definition of happiness and what we should do with problems.

We never get rid of the problem, even the kindest and richest people have their own stories. Life is a full package of experiences. We never can get rid of problem, and sadness. However, we can choose in specific term / activity of what we can be survive in order to learn. 

For the example, me, as an interior architect graduate. When I was in university, there are times that I wanted to quit, or cry, or have something that I afraid of. I spent long hours to study, in studio, without enough time to rest. However, this is what I choose to do. I cannot choose one thing that only comes with all joy and happy experiences. But then, since I choose to study in architecture, I should learn from all of challenges and try to face my fears. 

This is what Mark wanted to tell us.  We can choose our struggle. I think this is the best definition of how we address problems. Happiness comes after the struggles. Joy appear after we can solve the problem.

You Are Not Special

I know, the statement above is the antithesis of what all of millenials said. "You are not special" is a nightmare word for young people in this era. In all of motivational seminar we will see the statement said that all of us "unique", we have our own interest and we destined to do something extraordinary. 

"Special" itself is a wonderful word that sometimes becomes a burden. Special is a situation when one thing more valuable or attractive than the other. If everyone is special, then word "special" would lose its meaning. 

To be exceptionally great at something, we need to spend most of our time crafting our interest. However, we have limited time and energy that most of us have mediocre ability about something.

Feel over-confidence also become a trap for us to grow. In his book, Mark mention that we need to evaluate ourself with wisdom. Confidence is great, but then, we need to see our flaws to improve.
In the most usual way, an ordinary one, we found happiness

Lagom, a Swedish Way to Enjoy Every Aspect of Our Life

My sister rarely interested in any book. When we were a child, I am the only one who obsessed with Harry Potter, also the only one who excited when Eragon series come out.

Few weeks ago, she recommend this book. Excitedly, even she bought it herself from online because she could not find it anywhere in book stores. The title is Lagom: Not too little, not too much. Its a typical motivational translation book with some theory and stories. A guide to living peacefully from the Swedish culture.

I've read several motivational books, most of it about scholarship, career, and start up. Honestly I never finish them all because the content sometimes too predictable. All of the good words to motivate, but my rebel self cannot gulp all of them once. I prefer to dive into the short novels with some fantasy and tragedy.

From the book itself, I see that it will never become my life guidance but I still give it a try. Interesting but I have a hard time understand the words because it translated from english to bahasa Indonesia. Some awkward words displayed there. Maybe I should read the english version another time 

The book taught us to keep everything simple, another way to feel enough. Maybe the term itself close to 'Zen' in Japan where people keep the simplicity in every aspect of their life.

Lagom describe why IKEA famous worldwide and why H&M always created basic simple shirt but become large in a market.
The idea is to keep everything effective, efficient yet functional and visually pleasing.

The definition of lagom itself complicated and flexible enough to describe every situation. From choosing your furniture and clothes, choose your way of work.

What I like about this book is to distance ourselves from every thing we do not need. To keep our house small, to refrain from buying thing every week. Less things we buy, less responsibility, and less problem. Owning a lot of things makes us  miserable. We get the stress from keeping our things.

I agree with several things written in that book. Especially when the book said about knowing our capacity and not to burden ourself with things we do not need. Bravely saying no but striving to work hard on our passion.

However, what I feels lacking is about interpersonal communication. I  am still wondering if swedish people cold to stranger or never had any trash talk because they like it straight and direct. I cannot judge either since I do not know any further about their culture.

Afterall, this book is interesting to read but I need to find english version to fully understand the content.

NB : I push myself to read book everyday. You can suggest me any book to review.
In my studio where I work, we open new segmen: BukaBuku, means OpenBook. We will review one or more book and invite people to discuss about an interesting book

Surprise Element

Yesterday I uninstalled apps related to musics and deleted all of the songs I've downloaded

No specific reason, except for saving up some of data package

I started to bring books everywhere or keep books in my smartphone to read

The experiences growing in me.
Books gives me something special rather than scrolling through my instagram feeds

It taught me to keep on holding what you believe eventhough there are no way you can escape from problems

I also love the suprise element in every book I've been reading. I left no expectation and keep my eye on every pages, pharagraph, and words.

It taught me to accept the idea that we never escape from everyday challenges. Lots of new perspective and somehow helping me growing up

Recently, growing up and celebrate birthday becomes sucks. There are a lot of people who expecting me as an adult, to achieve something that I myself don't know when it will happen.

Surprise element, uncertainty, zero expectation of negative or positive experiences. That is what I need to enjoy right now. To fully enjoy present, and a bit laid back about future. To love myself more, to know when I should hold back and expressing all my thought

Also, to not afraid saying that I am tired, or when I need to cry. To bravely saying what I needs to say.

Right now, right here,
Me writing my thoughts while listen to radio. Surprising myself with a list of good songs that I never heard before

23.26
Commuter line to Universitas Pancasila

It's okay to be tired
Just take a rest, put the weight off from your shoulder

Tomorrow will be fine
You will be okay

Kota yang Bahagia

Bekerja dengan isu yang sangat dekat dengan manusia dan tempat tinggalnya selalu membuat saya bertanya-tanya. Tulisan tentang kota dan manusianya memberi saya beragam pengetahuan dan pengalaman baru. Untuk saya yang cukup apatis dengan sistem yang berjalan, masalah orang lain dan  politik, membicarakan hal-hal berskala besar sebetulnya membuat saya pusing. Tapi saya semakin sadar bahwa saya bisa jadi berperan sebagai penyebab masalah sekaligus korban dari sistem tatanan kota yang saya tinggali.

Apakah kebahagiaan saya dipengaruhi oleh lingkungan tempat tinggal saya?

Saya akhir-akhir ini mudah merasa sedih. Hal yang kecil membuat saya cukup sensitif dan berpikir kurang jernih. Hal ini membuat saya kurang semangat bekerja, mudah lelah, sulit berinovasi dan mudah takut.

Katanya wajar, saat diri sudah beranjak dewasa, menyesuaikan dengan beragam tanggung jawab bisa jadi melelahkan. Apalagi bergelut dengan middle twenty crisis. Usia yang sudah cukup untuk jadi seutuhnya mandiri dan dewasa lahir batin. Saya masih coba untuk terus beradaptasi. Tapi apa saya saja? Apa yang saya alami sehari-hari salah satunya punya andil?

Kota yang saya tinggali adalah kota yang cukup sibuk. Sejak lahir saya tinggal di kota ini. Banyak hal yang saya kira adalah hal wajar meskipun menyusahkan. Banyak hal yang membuat saya takuti di lingkungan saya. Namun ada juga hal-hal yang semakin lama semakin baik.

Satu hal yang sering orang-orang keluhkan adalah sistem transportasi. Macet dan macet, begitu ciri khasnya. Mau pilih yang tidak macet, ongkos ke stasiun atau terminal lumayan juga. Belum lagi jadwalnya yang masih tidak konsisten. Angkot yang ngetem lama. Motor yang saling kebut dan salip. Mobil yang sudah diprioritaskan dengan jalan tol, masih saja ngotot didewakan di jalan kecil. Jalan kaki dianggap sama sekali bukan pilihan.

Juga jauh jaraknya antara rumah dan tempat kerja. Harus pilih prioritas: kesehatan, keluarga, pekerjaan, waktu atau uang. Sulit untuk pilih semua. Jika mau penghasilan besar, pilih tempat kerja  di tengah kota, rumah di pinggir, mengorbankan waktu bersama keluarga untuk durasi perjalanan, mengorbankan uang untuk pilihan transport yang nyaman. Di akhir hari, hanya ada lelah yang tak sudah-sudah. Berhimpitan dengan orang-orang yang sama lelahnya. Boro-boro mengobrol. Lempar senyum aja sulit. Duh.

Itu salah satu gelut yang saya alami. Awalnya saya pikir inilah takdir yang saya harus maklumi.

Apakah saya harus mengalaminya sepanjang hari?

Pindah dari kerja bisa jadi salah satu opsi. Tapi tidak ada jaminan apapun yang bisa meyakinkan saya jadi lebih bahagia. Bisa jadi faktor lainnya membuat saya sedih. Lalu apa yang bisa saya lakukan?

Definisi Kota Bahagia

Menurut buku Happy City by Charles Montgomery, bagaimana kota beroperasi menentukan kebahagiaan warganya. Pemimpinnya bisa saja punya macam-macam kebijakan berdasar pertumbuhan ekonomi, pembangunan infrastruktur, atau tingkat pendapatan perkapita. Kita bisa saja kaya, namun belum tentu bahagia.

Bahagia yang saya rasakan yaitu ketika saya merasa dibutuhkan dan yang saya lakukan merasa diapresiasi.

Keseimbangan kerja juga penting bagi saya. Tempat kerja yang jauh dan kerap membuat saya pulang malam terkadang membuat saya senewen. Saya jadi gampang tersinggung ketika sampai rumah. Saya yang takut marah-marah karena senewen, biasanya memutuskan untuk terus tidur tanpa lanjut komunikasi dengan anggota keluarga lain. Karena pulang malam dan lelah, saya kesiangan. 

Besok paginya bangun telat, dengan senewen, karena saya jadi tidak bisa berangkat bareng ayah. Ongkos jadi makin mahal, naik pilihan yang lebih murah akibatnya makin lama saya sampai. Di kantor sudah siang. Sudah bete dan capek. Butuh waktu cukup lama untuk konsentrasi, padahal banyak yang dikerjakan. Akibatnya pulang malam lagi. 
Saya belum cerita tentang masih canggungnya saya dengan tetangga.

Begitu seterusnya?

Never ending loop ini bukan hanya saya saja yang merasakan. Melihat muka-muka lelah di commuterline malam hari membuat saya bertanya, apa yang sebetulnya kami semua kejar? Kesejahteraan melalui gaji cukup? Keluarga yang bisa ditemui setiap hari? Kepuasan personal akan apresiasi di bidang pekerjaan kita?

Kota menentukan nasib kita semua. Kenapa saya harus bekerja di tempat yang jauh? Kenapa tempat kerja saya sulit dijangkau? Kenapa saya harus sampai kantor dalam waktu yang lama?

Kota dengan segala ruangnya seharusnya dapat meredakan penat dan lelah warganya. Melihat etalase toko yang cantik, melewati taman yang apik atau bersepeda di jalan pulang mungkin bisa sedikit memperbaiki suasana hati. Namun hal itu tidak saya temui.

Tempat tinggal dan kantor yang bisa dilalui dengan cepat, ongkos yang murah dan melewati wajah-wajah ramah juga berkenalan dengan salah satunya mungkin bisa membuat saya lupa sejenak akan peliknya dunia kerja. Namun tak saya rasakan.

Orang-orang yang bergerak cepat. Muka lelah yang tak ramah. Jalur pejalan kaki yang rusak membuat semua keluhan saya lengkap. Boro-boro memperhatikan kejadian menarik di sekitar. Saya terus menunduk ke bawah, takut terantuk jalan tak rata atau masuk ke lubang got. Saya merasa sendirian. Sambil bertanya kenapa saya mau mengulang kejadian ini setiap hari.

Lalu Bagaimana?

Kebahagiaan itu banyak faktornya. Namun, yang saya pelajari, mau faktornya hal yang besar atau hal-hal sederhana sama efeknya ke saya. Terkadang saya percaya kebahagiaan itu karena nasib saja. Kalau pun belum bahagia, itu katanya karena Tuhan masih kasih kita cobaan. Ternyata, kota kita tinggal juga menjadi salah satu penentu kebahagiaan.

Tapi tak semua tanggung jawab akan kota yang bahagia dipikul oleh walikota. Kita bisa berbuat apa ya? Saya juga masih banyak belajar membuat  lingkungan saya bisa merasakan sedikit kebahagiaan. Tak lupa untuk diri sendiri merasa bahagia saat menjalankannya.

Kita bisa memulai dari hal yang kita suka. Kalau saya suka menari, saya ajak teman-teman di sekitar untuk belajar tari. Kalau saya suka menggambar, mungkin bisa ajak teman-teman jalan-jalan keliling kota sambil menggambar.

Apalagi ya?
Mungkin teman-teman bisa tambahkan?

Running Out of Time

Hari ini aku mengerjakan hal-hal yang belum aku sempat selesaikan. Padahal, masih dalam hitungan libur. Entah karena aku kurang pandai mengatur waktu atau merasa terlalu lama mengerjakan  satu hal

Akhir-akhir ini aku juga gampang sedih. Entah kenapa gampang banget sensitif dengan semua keadaan. Padahal, tidak ada hal yang terlalu memberatkan untuk aku pikirkan. Mungkin hanya bosan. Bisa jadi terlalu membanding-bandingkan.

Dua minggu yang lalu aku berinisiatif untuk uninstall instagram. Rasanya lega. Tapi belum cukup untuk memberhentikan rasa kepo. Kadang-kadang masih suka ngintip dari balik google chrome. Melihat-lihat kehidupan orang lain. Banyak yang memiliki kemajuan di hidupnya. Beralih ke fase hidup lainnya. Berganti kerja, menempuh S2, memulai rumah tangga dan mengemban tanggung jawab baru sebagai orang tua. Sembari melihat-lihat kadang muncul rasa iri.

Membandingkan seharusnya jadi pemicu. Motivasi untuk diri lebih baik dan berdaya. Tapi ya, namanya juga manusia. Penuh godaan untuk selalu merasa kurang. Inginnya lebih dan lebih.

Kadang jadi bahan introspeksi diri. Tapi rasanya lebih mudah menyalahkan keadaan daripada diri sendiri.

Lalu melihat sekeliling. Rasanya malu jika merasa serba kekurangan. Ada yang lebih semangat berbuat baik di segala keterbatasan yang Allah beri. Meskipun mungkin dirinya tak selalu dapat perhatian orang lain, apresiasi, juga keuntungan  materi.

Tulisan menuju tahun 2019.
Mengapa rasanya berisi banyak keluhan?
Mengapa tidak melihat hikmah dan berkah dibalik semua kekurangan?

Dua ribu sembilan belas
Terkadang lelah dengan segala ambisi muda
Hanya meminta untuk bisa selalu dan selalu berguna
Juga, perasaan bahagia
Lalu juga pandai pandai mengolah rasa
Memberanikan diri untuk bisa menerima segala kemungkinan terbuka

Semoga

Hiii my self~

Hi,
its been awhile since I'm writing something
Tomorrow, I'll be fighting for a dream
Today there are mixed feelings in my heart and a lot of conversations going through my head
What if I failed again?
What if my efforts not enough to reach my long dream?

Even though I prepare it all,
I feel that I will never  have enough confidence to say that
I deserve this opportunity

But then, someone remind me about my long term goals
It is not the end of the world if I failed
I still have a long way ahead me
I still have so many options
and goals to achieve...

I  deserve all opportunities
No one could define me,
except myself

Dear my pretty and hardworking self,
Let us be the best friend until the end