As a girl whom already reach 25 years old, it is not easy to live without expectation of having life partner. I am not bother with my single status but the pressure from everywhere makes me questioned my life. What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with having single status? Or to make it sounds more misserable: 25 and never have a date. Even my mom surprise. I'm not sure I should be laughing or crying :""D
Yes I am alone but I never been feels I am completely alone. I always try to find new friend and after that I never felt I am all alone. I never been in situation where I have no one to depend on. I also never been far away from home for more than 2 months :""D.
Sometimes when decided something, I also depend on other people. I am not sure it is part of tolerance or not being able to independent. Thinking about how I also involved in organisation as coordinator and have situation to decided something important, I think independency is not my problem though.
People also said: You haven't meet enough people to meet the right one. Hmmm... atleast I've tried? Almost every year I joined new activities where I met new people. But it is not the only one case, right? Sometimes, I also feel like blamed for not married yet by my ganks because I am the oldest among them. I know its not supposedly to become joke and it means they are praying for me also but you know, sometimes its growing my concern.
Last summer, I was experiencing three weeks of solo travel to the Netherlands. Somehow it change my perspective about being independent. For me, who never been living far away from home for more than 2 months, the experience triggered my independency and my self confidence. All of my friend whom already travel with me also know that I am the type of people who just sit back while all of them busy with something. You know what? My best friends were worried that I will sleep in the airport and missed my plane X''D
Being alone in a room, in the middle of stranger's country feels really odd. The emptiness somehow suffocated me. But then I've heard my inner voice talking. So I am more obedient to myself : cooking while I am hungry, cleaning my room everytime I feel unconvenient, singing along while listening to the music, writing blog everytime I feel mellow. I realized that while I'm away from home, there will be no one who giving me instructions to do this and that. I'm the only one who responsible to myself.
Living in the same home for all of my life time, I am afraid that I can't be more familiar with different environment. But then, I have to admit that : maybe it is the time for me to leaving my house, taking another adventure and life experiences. While I am nowhere by myself, I feels like I become more brave and confident. Strange feeling yet exciting.
While in the Netherlands, I decided to take my solo journey by train and bike to another cities. While thinking about that, I worried to death. I might be lost or getting hurt on the way. Or I just worrying something that will likely never happened. One thing for sure: I want to know how far I got to test my courage all alone!
So I've spent my last 3 days to explore Utrecht, Denhaag and Leiden. I went to Utrecht by train and the rest by bike. I have to biking for total 34 km back and forth to Denhaag just to see Madurodam. The next day, I went to Leiden by bike which 27 km away from Delft. I have to pay extra attention to direction in google maps. Since I have no internet data, I have to keep the app open all the time.
First thing to spot on while you leaving Delft city
Since I was in a country that using bike all the time, their bike routes are well-developed~
No need to worry about the route.. The direction in google map also easy to follow. Compared with I've been through in HongKong, the landscape of NL is flat and mostly you only have to pay attention of where the river go. Bike routes mostly following the canals.
No need to worry if no one took your photo, just find one of big window glass, or mirror!
I always can visit my favourite places without feeling uneasy... Or being too tolerate with my travel buddy.
Or stopped at the right place, whenever I feel tired, to have my own ice cream.
These experiences give me different kind of being independent. Still, after all of that journey, I really missed to have conversation with my friend. But somehow, taking yourself to big journey, alone, is not a sad moment tho. I feels like dating my self (LOL :""). I always drag myself to accomplish something with all of deadline, always putting myself to pressure. While taking a solo journey, I can listen to myself, louder than before. All of conversation between me and myself. Still, I am in the middle of 20++ middle crisis. Talking and knowing ourself is the most important thing in this phase.
Maybe before I could listen to other people, or someone who will be with me all of my life, firstly I have to learn listening to myself. Also, I need to take my independent journey to a higher stage. I always believe that if God do not put ourself to certain condition that we always wanted, it means we haven't finish with the previous test. It might be the same with marriage, getting scholarship, get successful, being famous, and so on. I haven't finish yet with myself, so that God haven't sent me someone that I will taken care for.
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