As a girl whom already reach 25 years old, it is not easy to live without expectation of having life partner. I am not bother with my single status but the pressure from everywhere makes me questioned my life. What is wrong with me? Or what is wrong with having single status? Or to make it sounds more misserable: 25 and never have a date. Even my mom surprise. I'm not sure I should be laughing or crying :""D
Yes I am alone but I never been feels I am completely alone. I always try to find new friend and after that I never felt I am all alone. I never been in situation where I have no one to depend on. I also never been far away from home for more than 2 months :""D.
Sometimes when decided something, I also depend on other people. I am not sure it is part of tolerance or not being able to independent. Thinking about how I also involved in organisation as coordinator and have situation to decided something important, I think independency is not my problem though.
People also said: You haven't meet enough people to meet the right one. Hmmm... atleast I've tried? Almost every year I joined new activities where I met new people. But it is not the only one case, right? Sometimes, I also feel like blamed for not married yet by my ganks because I am the oldest among them. I know its not supposedly to become joke and it means they are praying for me also but you know, sometimes its growing my concern.
Last summer, I was experiencing three weeks of solo travel to the Netherlands. Somehow it change my perspective about being independent. For me, who never been living far away from home for more than 2 months, the experience triggered my independency and my self confidence. All of my friend whom already travel with me also know that I am the type of people who just sit back while all of them busy with something. You know what? My best friends were worried that I will sleep in the airport and missed my plane X''D
Being alone in a room, in the middle of stranger's country feels really odd. The emptiness somehow suffocated me. But then I've heard my inner voice talking. So I am more obedient to myself : cooking while I am hungry, cleaning my room everytime I feel unconvenient, singing along while listening to the music, writing blog everytime I feel mellow. I realized that while I'm away from home, there will be no one who giving me instructions to do this and that. I'm the only one who responsible to myself.
Living in the same home for all of my life time, I am afraid that I can't be more familiar with different environment. But then, I have to admit that : maybe it is the time for me to leaving my house, taking another adventure and life experiences. While I am nowhere by myself, I feels like I become more brave and confident. Strange feeling yet exciting.
While in the Netherlands, I decided to take my solo journey by train and bike to another cities. While thinking about that, I worried to death. I might be lost or getting hurt on the way. Or I just worrying something that will likely never happened. One thing for sure: I want to know how far I got to test my courage all alone!
So I've spent my last 3 days to explore Utrecht, Denhaag and Leiden. I went to Utrecht by train and the rest by bike. I have to biking for total 34 km back and forth to Denhaag just to see Madurodam. The next day, I went to Leiden by bike which 27 km away from Delft. I have to pay extra attention to direction in google maps. Since I have no internet data, I have to keep the app open all the time.
First thing to spot on while you leaving Delft city
Since I was in a country that using bike all the time, their bike routes are well-developed~
No need to worry about the route.. The direction in google map also easy to follow. Compared with I've been through in HongKong, the landscape of NL is flat and mostly you only have to pay attention of where the river go. Bike routes mostly following the canals.
No need to worry if no one took your photo, just find one of big window glass, or mirror!
I always can visit my favourite places without feeling uneasy... Or being too tolerate with my travel buddy.
Or stopped at the right place, whenever I feel tired, to have my own ice cream.
To meet this cute new friend... while enjoying my packed lunch..
Or stop awhile to take many photos of beautiful moments
These experiences give me different kind of being independent. Still, after all of that journey, I really missed to have conversation with my friend. But somehow, taking yourself to big journey, alone, is not a sad moment tho. I feels like dating my self (LOL :""). I always drag myself to accomplish something with all of deadline, always putting myself to pressure. While taking a solo journey, I can listen to myself, louder than before. All of conversation between me and myself. Still, I am in the middle of 20++ middle crisis. Talking and knowing ourself is the most important thing in this phase.
Maybe before I could listen to other people, or someone who will be with me all of my life, firstly I have to learn listening to myself. Also, I need to take my independent journey to a higher stage. I always believe that if God do not put ourself to certain condition that we always wanted, it means we haven't finish with the previous test. It might be the same with marriage, getting scholarship, get successful, being famous, and so on. I haven't finish yet with myself, so that God haven't sent me someone that I will taken care for.
Seeing all of posts in social media makes me tired and sad. There are alot of good things happened but still, you can't close your eyes of what our friends going through on the other part of the world. Aleppo still being burn by unresponsible people and mostly killed woman and children. Meanwhile Moslems in Rohingya are devastated because of intolerant people who can't accept them as their own citizen. American moslem are afraid their right will lost because their racist new president. Still, people in my country, which have Islam as majority, parting in several ways because of different political views.
I've been scrolling my facebook page these days, there are a lot of hate comments and nonsense articles circulating in my feeds. Last time I encountered this kind of situation is when we have our last presidential election. Since that time, I just realized that social media is a scary place. It can be used in a good way to share useful informations. On the other hand, there are people who use this opportunity to brainwash netizen and share provoking comments everywhere. People will easily share anykind of news that they are believe, despite the truth about it still questionable.
Still, it just a cyberspace, right? No one will really hurt you because of one share or one comment. Yep, I tought like that at first. But NO, nowadays it will have major impact in real life. People have their right to say anything, but without responsibility it means nothing. Do you remember when a woman posting about how she really annoyed by pregnant woman who took her chair in public train? Well, people will judge your personality, even in virtual world. I become really careful if I wanted to give my opinion, so mostly I just become a silent reader. But sometimes I can't take it when there are persons who didn't try to have some research or don't have wide perspective give their hateful comments. Even when he/she is really kind and have a good personality in real life.
I just remember when I was scrolling through my instagram feeds, and I found a picture of mouse. There are a lot of cats picture in my instagram so it make me curious. Then I click and enlarge their photo. It was a picture of mouse which it arms and legs being tied on something so it can't move. I didn't understand at first so I read the description. It turn out that they tried to make fun of that mouse by gave it punishment because behind the mouse there is a dead bird. I don't understand at all why they are posting that. What makes me really angry, it was shared by comedy account which have funny contents in it. If torturing an animal, even it just a small one, consider as funny, I don't understand where our common sense is. I'm not usually active but I posted two comments in that picture, after that I reported the account because it contained violence and animal abuse. Not long after I reporting it, they have it deleted. It just small matter, but this account have 150.000 followers. Imagine if a lot of people agree with this post, imagine the impact. Some of them gave comment "that it just a mouse, chill". But hey, even the serial killer only killing kitten in their young age.
Well, using social media is really tiring. Sometimes I prefer to shut it down, but I can't avoid the truth that they have great impact in these era. Then I remember, if we gave up using it and let the dark world dominating it, we will be doomed, really. So instead of close my eyes and logging out my account, we have opportunity to share good things, inspirational and motivational quotes, stories about humanity, and cuteness of our pet to the world againts all of those fake news that will make us apart.
All of my friends, whom I knew in real life or in cyberspace, I really really ask all of you, please be wise using your social media. Be a smart user, only share positive and useful content, avoid cyberwar if you can, and stop making any provoking statement. You have no idea how it will have impact, even slightest one. It is alright if you have your own perspective, but always using kind and polite words~
Well I'm praying for our country, and for my brothers and sisters in the other part of the world, may peace always above us.
"To be sure, an ordinary passer-by would believe that my very own rose looked just like you, but she is far more important than all of you because she is the one I have watered. And it is she that I have placed under a glass dome. And it is she that I have sheltered behind a screen. And it is for her that I have killed caterpillars (except for the two or three saved to become butterflies). And It is she I have listened to complaining or boasting or sometimes remaining silent. Because she is my rose."
Have you ever told by strangers, randomly, that you are so beautiful?
This is the strangest thing I've encountered when I go to Korea..
In a country full of pretty and handsome human everywhere,
Meanwhile I myself feel like potato head walking between them.
Don't you think that is a really strange when a person (or a group of them) randomly
wanted to take photos with you, or insisted buying you some snacks, or just said:
"Hi, you are so beautiful"
Even in my everyday life, only my mom said that to me (LOL)
Really, this experience in Korea didn't happen only once, or twice.
Even I lost count, maybe total almost 8-10 times already?
First, they are so curious about what me and my friends are wearing on our head.
Then, they asking the country where we lived
Some of them observing us from head to toe
But then some of them said salaam, or just smiling,
Telling us that we are dressed beautifully,
covering our body but still let our charm shines
Once in a day, I've experience this 3 times.
First, when an old lady personally tried to talk to me in korean,
She poked me, say hi, then saying something like ''yeppeunde.." and give her two thumbs up.
As my face look dumbfounded she tried to talk to me again.
All I can do is said 'Thanks~'
Second, when me and Phatty went to Hanok Village
As we tried to take photos each other, one ahjumma (old lady) passing us and randomly stopped by,
watching us take photos and said that we are 'yeppeun',
Then, a group of Japanese mom told by that ahjumma that we are beautiful
Then they said 'Kireii desune~" and asked about where we come from
Third, a group of harabuji (old man - grandpa) tried to take photo of me
and tried to match me with one of their friend (lol)
and situation got strange as they keep talking in korean but still pointing at me,
and I just leave because more of them are joining conversation that I didn't understand
Well,
I've experience worse situation in my old days
I already sharing it here
self confidence once become my big problem
and experience this is one of my memory that I treasure
Now, what is the meaning of beautiful itself?
When you, always complaining about not pretty enough,
But other people, even strangers, told you that you are so fine
When I'm imagining said it to other people, heartfully, who will it be?
Why I said beautiful randomly to a stranger whom I look just by seconds?
She or he must be let out their charm beautifully so that other people have the urge to tell them
(well, I always do that when I find a cute little girl lol)
So here is the video and you will know how it feels~
Beautiful, they have no measure, fit for all of people
So, first, to see good things from yourself, stop compare with other people
I think, it is because of we're different (by wearing hijab there), that's not meant we're strange
We have our own way to decide what kind of 'beautiful' we are searching for
We know, and we don't follow any beautiful measure but tried to listen to ourself
I think that kind of confidence that makes other people see that good side of us
Well, I learn a lot.
Next time, I tried to compliment people more, always seek good side from them
By doing this, a simple thing like this,
More people will see a good side from themself
I've already experience one good thing,
Thanks to the really nice ahjumma and ahjussi in Korea (lol)
"The sign of beautiful person is that
they always see beauty in others"
that quotes is true indeed ^^
Listen:
All of woman are pretty
Pretty by treasure themself well
Pretty by know themself well
Pretty by treat other people nicely
Pretty by know how to act politely
and about myself as late bloomer (even never have a date once)
and other my friends who experience the same as me,
Never have a date doesn't mean you less pretty, I assure that hahaa
But time will make you the best people who deserve for the best one
There is a man
He is so lovely
He is really kind, a bit naive actually
He act like a gentleman
He is longing for a lovely woman
Once, he find the woman
He love her so badly
Because he is a lovely man
But, love is complicated
It just can't fulfill the wish of this lovely man
He can't understand
He already act like gentleman
But love, is never been easy thing
He wasted his time to think
Being kind and naive is not everything
There is a man
Once, he is so lovely
But now, oh he is so lonely
He don't know what to do
He would eat alone and wander the city
He just don't know
At another place,
There is a lovely lonely woman
Sincerely praying for him
Praying so that he will always happy
/1/
ia meletakkan kenangannya
dengan sangat hati-hati
di laci meja dan menguncinya
memasukkan anak kunci ke saku celana
sebelum berangkat ke sebuah kota
yang sudah sangat lama hapus
dari peta yang pernah digambarnya
pada suatu musim layang-layang
Aku ,
Tak bisa seramah matahari.
Aku memang agak dingin,
menyusup sedikit-sedikit lalu membuatmu jatuh sakit
Aku ingin bertemu denganmu,
sudah lama aku ingin.
Tapi musim kering ini menyulitkanku
aku hanya bisa menunggu angin
Aku jatuh hanya untukmu,
kamu yang merindukan seseorang,
kau hanya butuh aku untuk menyembunyikan air matamu
Ingin aku memelukmu,
namun aku takut membuatmu menggigil
aku berusaha sedikit, menahan tangisku juga
biarlah matahari yang menghangatkanmu,
bukan aku
Namaku Hujan,
aku datang karena ingin bertemu denganmu,
namun, selalu mentari cerah yang selalu orang rindukan
Ketika kita berpapasan,
kamu hanya berani menggenggam erat payungmu, berusaha sembunyi,
aku terlanjur lenyap tertelan tanah
and eerrrgghh don't forget, Lia, you have the other activities such as BKST dancer, vice coordinator in educational field at campus' student council, and facilitator at Kagoshima project.. and that's not a simple matters
For me who always have problems with time management, it's not an easy challenge
Yaaaai hari ini BKST, yaitu wadah seni yang ada di Fakultas Teknik, tampil pertama kali untuk angkatan 2010nya. Setelah setaun latian trus sempet vakum 3 bulan gara-gara libur semester, akhirnya kita jor-joran latihan seminggu full buat tampil bagus di hari sabtunya.
Alhamdulillah bisa nari lagi, bisa bebas bergerak lagi, bisa tampil lagi didepan umum, dan yang paling penting, bisa tampil cantik lagi! hhahahaaa~~
Hemm ketika tampil tadi, rasanya udah lupa gimana rasanya berdiri di depan orang ramai. Ketika semua mata tertuju ke kita, apa yang akan kita lakukan, apa yang ingin kita tampilkan, apa yang ingin kita sampaikan, semuanya membutuhkan keberanian. Keberanian, rasanya itu yang hilang dari diriku selama ini. Rasanya udah lama ketika aku selalu mengacungkan tangan ketika ditanya, ketika ingin bertanya, ketika mengajukan pendapat tanpa ragu dan takut salah. Kenapa aku takut salah? Kenapa aku yang sekarang sering ragu? Apakah aku takut dianggap bodoh ketika menanyakan sesuatu yang aku tidak tahu? Apakah aku pesimis pendapatku akan diterima maka aku menjadi ragu? Apakah isi otakku terlalu berantakan sehingga aku kurang dapat mengutarakan pendapat dan argumenku dengan baik dan tepat sasaran? Apakah aku kurang berlatih dan berusaha? Apakah itu karena aku merasa telah berada di zona nyaman karena selalu berada di belakang dan tak pernah terlihat? Lalu apa yang harus aku lakukan?
Berada di depan khalayak ramai tadi, tentunya aku punya maksud dan tujuanku sendiri. Ketika menari, aku ingin semua orang diam dan melihat bagaimana tari tradisional masih menjadi hiburan yang menakjubkan. Aku ingin mereka terpukau dengan kesenian ini dan merasa bangga mereka memiliki kesenian tradisional sebagai pusaka bangsa. Aku ingin membudayakannya dan mengajak orang lain melakukan hal yang sama. Aku ingin hobiku tak hanya berguna untuk diriku sendiri, tapi juga untuk orang lain.
Lalu, sebenarnya inti dari keberanian itu apa?
Ketika kita memiliki suatu maksud dan tujuan yang pasti, maka tak ada keraguan didalam hati untuk membagikannya ke orang lain. Jika kita yakin bahwa yang kita utarakan akan membawa dampak yang baik, mengapa tidak kita keluarkan saja? Mungkin Allah akan memberi bermacam rintangan dan cobaan serta musibah, namun itu akan membuat kita semakin kuat. Sebuah pendapat atau ide yang cemerlang tidak akan terlihat jika tidak diwujudkan. Maka itu, cobalah dahulu, berani mengambil resiko, mintalah Allah untuk selalu mendampingi kita menghadapi segala rintangan, dan berusaha sampai akhir. Maka kita akan melihat buah dari keberanian mencoba di awal, akan terasa manis nantinya.
Ketika menulis ini, memori di otakku berkelebat saling berebutan untuk ku ingat. Mengapa aku menjadi diriku yang sekarang? Apakah aku telah mempraktekkan keberanian itu dengan baik? Apakah aku masih menjadi orang yang takut mengambil resiko? Apakah keberanian itu dapat menuntunku ke pilihan-pilihan yang lebih baik?
Masih belum, masih belum cukup. Aku masih jauh-jauh-jauh jauh dari apa yang disebut dengan ''orang yang telah berusaha dengan keras" Aku masih belum ada apa-apanya, masih cere,cupu. Tapi aku akan berusaha keras, lebih keras, lebih-lebih keras dari sebelumnya, tak terbatas. Karena aku tahu, dunia ini sangat kejam dan penuh intrik. Untuk dapat bertahan, manusia bekerja keras dan berani mengambil resiko.
